tralynn29
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82.1
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Username: tralynn29
Profile Link: http://www.ruminations.com/tralynn29
Gender: Chick
Location: Seattle, WA
Hometown: North Pole, AK
College: Art Institute of Seattle
URL 1: Book of faces

About Me: I've got years of brain baggage to check please.

Ruminations
 
138
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It's always uncomfortable hearing people talk about you when they don't know you're there. Even if it's good, I still feel violated.

 
 
82
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If you ask for my opinion, knowing that I'm a straight shooter, and respond with "whatever", you hereby forfeit any future requests of my opinion.

 
 
237
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Yes coworker, you have seen me in the kitchen 3 times today. Stating that I must not do much work because you've seen me in the kitchen 3 times? Um, weren't you in the kitchen those 3 times too? Yeah, please suck it.

 
 
166
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Remember being in plays in grade school and getting to make a costume? There were always 29 kids with cardboard, glitter and glue costumes and that one kid whose parents must have hired NASA to design and build theirs.

 
 
35
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I find the only time I'm religious is at 2am on a Saturday with my last 10 bucks in the penny slot machine.

 
 
86
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I just realized that I'm truly an Alaskan girl. To this day the only accident I've ever been involved in, as a driver or passenger, is a head on collision with a moose in North Pole. This could only be topped if it had been a reindeer...or Santa.

 
 
64
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Tomorrow is the big FOUR O for me. There are just so many things I didn't get accomplished before this downhill slide into stinky oldsville. Namely, figuring out how the fuck to stay 28 and perky forever.

 
 
99
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Every once in awhile I'll get this crazy, body convulsing deep ear itch that commands immediate attention and sends shivers down to my toes. It's fine when I'm alone, but in public that shits just embarrassing!

 
 
177
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When I'm eating at a restaurant and start to feel full too soon, all items become a pawn in the game known as "will it survive the microwave tomorrow?" Steak, yes, stop eating. Asparagus, no, consume now. Rolls, definitely, but have refilled first.

 
 
84
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So I found out you can't sell puppies or kittens on craigslist. But if you wanted to date one, that would be OK. Anyone see a problem here?

 
 
86
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Preparing for Valentine's Day as a single girl (again), my 40th birthday, and not getting Presidents Day off from work gives me every right to be a bitch on the edge for the next week.

 
 
70
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I think a few men out there should be relieved that some women have issues telling the difference between measurements when relaying a story to their friends.

 
 
84
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Someone put a really freaky mummified, nutcracker'ish statue in the corner of the ladies bathroom where I work. First, what the hell? Second, I need to find this person and become best friends because that shit is hilarious!

 
 
31
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I swear I'm like my cat when she hears a can of food opening. I heard someone open a can; my ears perked, I sat up straight, stretched around, and scurried in the direction of the sound. Oh, only someone opening a dumb can of un-fun coke, boo.

 
 
49
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If my neighbors were smart, they'd have a video camera aimed at my balcony. I'm pretty sure some of my antics out there would make for some serious hilarity. Then again, I've never checked youtube for myself...um, shit...

 
 
64
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Surprisingly, I found there were less people online during the Super Bowl than on New Year's Eve.

 
 
124
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When I pause something on the DVR, I close my eyes while rewinding it so I don't ruin what I missed.

 
 
175
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Trying to have a deep and insightful conversation in close proximity to a mirror or reflective window is almost impossible for most women. Vanity usually wins.

 
 
68
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The pompous web guy at work has a mailbox right under mine and I accidentally opened his W2. I went to HR and cleared it all up, but giggled knowing he only made 5K more than me. Haha jerk! Then I remembered he started in July. I hate him more now.

 
 
68
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I was telling a co-worker that I don't get paid dick for all of my hard work. Then I thought about it and realized I don't even get paid dick. Believe me, if that were an option, I think they'd find a much happier me.

 
 
82
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Please don't use my birthday as an excuse to plan something that you want to do. Pretty sure I've never mentioned tango dancing, so you're gonna need to find someone else to go with you.

 
 
69
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When I have a 12-pack of beer in the fridge, I don't mind leaving a few sips in the can after drinking one. But only 3 left? I'm tapping that shit into my mouth for every last drop like I've been in the desert for a week!

 
 
39
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Super hero's don't have shit on the speed I possess when frantically grabbing for that diamond ring heading toward the drain.

 
 
244
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Today in a full elevator my bra decides to break. Not the strap or clasp, oh no. The underwire snapped in half, broke free from the material and stabbed me in the boob, causing me to shriek and cup myself. Greatest wardrobe fail. Ever.

 
 
39
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When I ask for my steak well done, I really don't need to hear someone say "You're just ruining the flavor!" You masticate your bloody steak the way you want to and I'll do it my way.

 
 
131
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Unless I've just had the best sex ever or run a marathon, I should not be able to hear my heartbeat in my ear when I lay my head down at night.

 
 
124
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It sucks being home with your boring old stupid food and thinking back to leaving behind those bacon cheddar sliders and basket of hot wings on the table after Happy Hour. Stupid bowl of boring soup, I hate you.

 
 
94
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You know what's not funny? When something I'm drinking goes down the wrong pipe and you ask me "if I'm OK" whilst I sputter, gag, tear up and turn blue. A little help here?

 
 
109
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I don't think it's fair that some families get all the fame and fortune...the Jacksons, Kennedys, Baldwins, Osbournes. Do you know what me and my sister got? Cute noses and OCD. Yeah, not fair.

 
 
208
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How the hell are those phone chat lines still in business? Does anyone really believe they're going to be talking to those hot blond twins?

 
 
99
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It is never a good idea to leave your garbage on your doorstep as a reminder to take it out. You'll probably be running late in the morning, fling open the door, trip on the bag, flail around, spill your coffee, drop your purse and skin your kneecap.

 
 
42
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There's a new virus going around my office this week. It's called "Ignoramus Imbecile". I think I should stay home until everyone gets over it, because it appears to be highly contagious!

 
 
62
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I was taking notes in a meeting yesterday, but had trouble keeping up. Returning to my desk, I found a few oddities – "shit in the corner", "get MK took time" and the oddest "3-way on a stick." What is going on in these meetings?

 
 
195
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If people are suspicious when you do something nice, it's probably because you're an evil bitch.

 
 
46
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There are times when having a husband and kids sure would come in handy. At a sucky work event, roped into your friends candle party? "Oh no, the hubs just called and mini-me is squirting vom through her nose! Hate to do this, but I gotta bail."

 
 
86
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Getting major plastic surgery done on my face would be too traumatic. Not because of the price, the pain or possible side-effects, but seeing a stranger in the mirror the first few times would probably stop my damn heart.

 
 
60
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I don't hear my biological clock ticking...I hear my diabolical clock ticking. Assholes beware!

 
 
31
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Getting old means licking the beaters after making mashed potatoes is more enjoyable than licking them after mixing cake batter.

 
 
191
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Today, I caught a glimpse of myself in mid stretch and full-on yawn. I'm not going to lie...scariest thing ever.

 
 
49
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Hey miss thing, ease up on the grinding and air humping in your too tight mini. I don't see a TV crew around, so it's safe to say you're not on an episode of, well, anything on MTV. So shoo, be gone now.

 
 
227
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Being right is so deliciously good when dealing with someone who is not only wrong, but also a complete douche.

 
 
43
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Nothing is sweeter than having a department head give me props and say they’re in “awe just watching me” do my job. OK, I lied…sweeter would be giving me a fucking raise! But I digress…

 
 
29
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I was just checking my online banking and there’s a charge for $26 to Pizza Ho 13905. I only ordered a pizza and wings, but apparently, they deliver ho’s as well. Next time Pizza Hut, next time.

 
 
131
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Misjudging where the stick is while eating a corn dog can really ruin your meal.

 
 
83
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It's one kind of trashy to have your Christmas lights up and lit almost mid-January. It's a whole other kind of trashy to have those lights, blown off their support nails, flapping in the wind like a beacon of idiocy.

 
 
87
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I've spent my whole life trying not to turn into my mother. It hit me recently that I had succeeded in this...only to turn into her batshit-crazy, grumpy-ass, single sister instead. Yay.

 
 
87
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Actors and actresses portraying couples in TV commercials are almost never equally attractive.

 
 
49
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As a child, I was labeled "cute and funny." In my late teens, 20's and early 30's, it was "pretty and funny." Now that I'm closing in on 40, all I hear is "oh my God, you're so funny." Ouch.

 
 
84
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Whenever I forget the name of something, I go through the alphabet until I figure it out. Asinine, axe, nooo...bludgeon, brussel sprouts, nooo...crowbar, colonoscopy...YES, colonoscopy! Um, why was I thinking about colonoscopy?

 
 
33
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I hate myself for watching Conveyor Belt of Love tonight. This has got to be the most disgraceful piece of crap television ever created. Yeah, this is going into top DVR position.

 
 
184
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Drunk facebooking is genius. You can post the most atrocious things, then go back the next day and delete everything. Unless someone took a screenshot of it, and made it their default picture, and tagged you. Then you're fucked.

 
 
102
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Why would anyone start off a conversation with "I know you're sick of hearing about this, but..." and launch into said story? Uh, I think it's been established that I'm sick of hearing about it, so please stop.

 
 
160
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Have you noticed that the meanest, nastiest people are usually the ones who get their feelings all butt-hurt the quickest when the tables are turned?

 
 
93
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I can appreciate your wintry glow, but ladies, please stop tanning during your lunch break. You come back to the office smelling like a mixture of coconut oil, melted plastic and wet goat.

 
 
111
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My boss asked me if I could give her a tutorial on some computer programs. Without thinking, I said "No, I like to keep you dumb, it gives me job security." Lucky for me I'm chronically sarcastic and she's known me for 14 years.

 
 
276
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My niece and nephew have a Wii, X-Box, portable DVD players, 3 computers, skateboards, bikes, 1,000 movies and 25 toy boxes...and they're STILL bored. When I was their age, I had paper dolls and Candyland. Sorry kids, no sympathy from Aunt Traci.

 
 
271
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My roomies boyfriend broke up with her in the middle of baking Christmas cookies. While she sat there crying, he finished decorating the cookies, because, you know, that's what real men do after they break a girls heart...they finish frosting shit.

 
 
67
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OK fellow smokers at work. I really do enjoy the camaraderie of our little breaks, but if you can't time your cigarette to end with mine, I'm leaving your ass down here alone.

 
 
85
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I’m blind as hell because I’m too cheap to get new contacts. But truthfully, I prefer the way I look when I can’t really see. It’s almost like a photoshopped me every time I look in the mirror.

 
 
44
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Just because I work at a radio station doesn’t mean I can get you free tickets. And honestly, if I’m lucky enough to snag some, I’m putting those bitches up on craigslist anyway. Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

 
 
54
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I work with a bunch of food snobs who piss and moan about my cheap and quick lunches. So nothing gives me greater pleasure than slowly eating a $1.50 hot dog with everything on it. At my desk. In close proximity to their sensitive little noses.

 
 
123
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It seems like everyone's first instinct when picking up a microphone is to say "Testing, 1, 2, 3."

 
 
79
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Didn't it seem like The Wizard of Oz was the most epically long movie when you were a child? My night started and ended with that movie, but it's only about 2 hours long. Crazy.

 
 
95
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If someone at work starts rubbing my shoulders, I turn into such a kiss ass. "Oh god, you could do this for a living. It's amazing how you found that knot in my shoulder. Your fingers are magic." Tends to get a good minute more out of 'em.

 
 
34
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It’s starting to hit home just how bad things are financially when not even a trip through the washer and dryer can keep me from pulling out that roll of lifesavers and sucking on some sweet, yet slightly gummy, fruity goodness.

 
 
200
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There are times when I'm doing something so odd that I realize, even with all the billions of people out there, I still don't think it's possible that someone else is doing this exact same thing right now.

 
 
120
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Cracker, I'm using you as a device to scoop up my peanut butter because I'm too lazy to go get a spoon. Stop breaking and scoop dammit.

 
 
158
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It creeps me out when someone tells me they're not comfortable in their own skin. Whose skin would you feel more comfortable in? And quit looking at me like that.

 
 
43
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I went digging through my hall closet for Christmas decorations tonight and realized I'm about 2 years away from being on that show Hoarders.

 
 
284
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Whenever I'm driving by myself, I can stop my car smooth as butter. But if I have a passenger, I get all squirrely and feeling judged on my skills and damn near eject them through the windshield.

 
 
123
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I snort when I laugh. People who know this tend to use it as a tool to measure how funny I think a joke is. Great, another thing I get to fake.

 
 
62
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Pet companies need to stop making my cats mouse toy look so realistic. And my cat needs to stop leaving that realistic rodent on the stairs in the middle of the night!

 
 
109
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Being a judge at our annual holiday cookie party, I just announced to the staff, “Anything that goes into my mouth has to be nut-less.” I think my chances of an office romance just hit a wall.

 
 
45
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Some nights when I’m feeling extra lazy, I just do a little grocery shopping out of the vending machine at work. Yep sounds like a Chili Cheese Frito, Snickers and Corn Nuts kinda night.

 
 
41
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You stupid piece of shit plastic bag roaming the freeway! You either scare the hell out of me when you fly out of nowhere or you get sucked up under my car. You can't have it both ways...pick one!

 
 
34
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If my nipples hurt, it's too cold.

 
 
39
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I remember wondering what the hell was wrong with my grandparents when they made all those groaning noises just getting out of a chair. Damn it, now I find myself making those same noises just trying to put socks on.

 
 
269
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I love hoodies and sweatshirts. What I hate about them is, the zipper usually gets misshapen and warped. I end up looking like I have 3 boobs and an alien poking out of my stomach. Not a great look.

 
 
119
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You will never be too old to call your mommy when you're having a bad day and end up crying like a baby when she soothes you. I swear, something in the "mom voice" induces tears.

 
 
20
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I think an important law has been excluded from the books...NO wind chimes to be hung anywhere in an apartment complex or within one mile of another neighbor. 1 strike and you're out bitches!

 
 
23
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It kinda sucks living in a cold climate with sensitive teeth. Every breath in feels like little ice daggers.

 
 
120
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I hate confrontations, especially with my roommate. So when something bothers me, instead of telling her, I vent to her dog when she's gone. "Why can't your mommy just rinse her damn dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, huh puppy, why?"

 
 
33
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If more men watched Snapped on Oxygen, they might think twice about a few things.

 
 
72
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When I was a teenager, I lied to my diary more than I did to my parents.

 
 
116
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Just because I was born in Alaska doesn't mean I don't get cold. I'm not a fucking polar bear!

 
 
70
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One of my guy friends insists on showing me pictures of girls who have sent him provocative shots of themselves. Makes it a little uncomfortable when I meet them though...oh yeah, Steph, pierced nipples and tramp stamp, right?

 
 
241
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If bottled correctly, girl on girl hate could probably replace all weapons on earth.

 
 
130
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Something worse than hiccups? Yep, that single, random, chest wrenching hiccup that comes out of nowhere and usually results in a pulled muscle in your esophagus.

 
 
394
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If everyone replaced their guard dog with a guard spider, the world would be a safer place. I don't care who you are, if a giant spider jumps out at you, your ass is running and screaming like a little girl.

 
 
165
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I use the office chatty-cathy as a reason for being late at least once a week. "Did you just get here?" No, I ran into Julie in the kitchen when I got here. "Oh wow, I'm so sorry!" I know, right?

 
 
33
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If I had time to Wikepedia during every argument I was involved in, I'd appear intelligent too!

 
 
43
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There are levels of behavior that get rated. "Simmer down" means I'm overreacting. "Don't get your panties in a twist", I'm being a whiny bitch. Personally, I'm not satisfied until I reach "get the sand out of your vagina" level.

 
 
29
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I saw a sign at the gas station that said "Passengers, now is a good time to buy the driver a thank you snack." With the price of gas these days, saying thank you with a 99 cent bag of chips will only piss me off.

 
 
37
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Taking naps and getting some have a few similarities. They both leave you feeling dehydrated, shaky, in need of a smoke and thinking, wow, that felt good, why don't I do this more often?

 
 
113
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Thanksgiving dinner and eating Chinese food are pretty equal in my book. No matter how much I eat, I am starving and want more in about an hour.

 
 
44
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Until you've had your hair sucked into the back of a blow dryer, you don't know fear!

 
 
44
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I'm at the age where I'm no longer embarrassed by my black-out actions during a night of partying. "Oh, I showed my boobs to everyone? Did they look good? Cool." "I was making out with a 27 year old in your garage at 3am? Hell yeah, I kick ass!"

 
 
34
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It's possible and probable to eat about 12 of those little finger sandwiches while at a party, along with a plethora of other finger food. What's sad is, 12 of 'em equal 3 full sized sandwiches. Damn the illusions of tiny finger food!

 
 
17
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I'm thankful that my friends provided 3 of the most delicious dishes for Thanksgiving this year...2 tattooed musicians and a hot landscaper. No pie for me, the eye candy was sweet enough.

 
 
174
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Why is it that everyone in the neighborhood can hear the asshole outside honking for their friend except for the friend being honked at?

 
 
32
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My best friend has call waiting. When I call and she doesn't pick up, she calls back later and says she was on with so and so. Why the hell is it then, when we're talking, she puts me on hold no less than 3 times to answer her call waiting?

 
 
36
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If someone at work starts off with "How's your day looking? Are you really busy?" My answer will always be, "Not good, I'm slammed." If you can't balls up and ask me outright what you'd like done, I will never have time for you.

 
 
62
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Just because I like you, doesn't necessarily mean you're a great person. It means I've found a few qualities in you that I can stand.

 
 
54
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Beer goes down just like water. Unfortunately, it tends to come up a bit thicker.

 
 
59
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I always tell people not to get me anything for Christmas. Why am I always so butt-hurt when they take me up on that? I only said it to be polite...truth is, I want presents bitches.

 
 
33
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Every year, I promise myself to boil the eggs the night before Thanksgiving, so they can chill, making them easier to peel. Every year, I fail. Oh, sorry that your deviled egg looks like a hamster has been nibbling on it, the shells got stuck.

 
 
26
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A picture and a paragraph is the wrong way to go about dating? Hell, a paragraph worth of anything is more than I got from my last 2 dates, so really, that doesn't sound too bad to me.

 
 
31
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Does anyone actually buy Nyquil for it's intended use?

 
 
39
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Heads up to the coworker currently on vacation in Hawaii. Don't email me via your iPhone asking me to do a few things for you. You're on a beach, sipping Bloody Mary's at 10am, I'm not doing shit for you.

 
 
46
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I hate being the one at the light who misjudges the timing and starts to go while it's still red.

 
 
331
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Whose idea was it to legalize those cornea blinding blue tinted headlights?

 
 
110
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When asking for directions to my friends house, she said oh god, it's so easy. She hands me a page of directions. 3 freeways, 2 exits, 13 go rights, 7 go lefts, 2 go around curves and 1 continue straight. Yeah, I'm gonna end up in Canada tonight.

 
 
111
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My cat has zero interest in ever leaving my bedroom until the second I close my door. She then spends the next few hours desperately trying to claw her way out.

 
 
33
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Once in awhile when people at work are talking about a fabulous dinner they've made, I'll ask for the recipe. I've never made a single one of those recipes. I don't want them to know that I really just live on corn dogs, canned chili and soup.

 
 
81
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When I get nervous or stressed, my ears get incredibly hot. And red. Rudolph red. Thank you body, because I wasn't nervous or stressed enough before. Bitch

 
 
38
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I see a Jaguar in front of me this morning with a personalized license plate; FELINE. I rolled my eyes. Then I saw it was a man. Finally, a guy willing to admit to the world he's a pussy.

 
 
71
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There's an upcoming show on Food Network for tips on what to do with Thanksgiving leftovers. I'll tell you what to do...throw everything on some bread, spread mayo all over it and eat it. Bam!

 
 
248
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I'm a little offended that I've never had to say "My eyes are up here".

 
 
50
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I know that getting up and using floss would dislodge this piece of beef jerky from my back teeth in a second. But I've spent so much time maneuvering it out with my tongue, I can't give in now!

 
 
27
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At night, whenever I see a car with their headlights turned off, I instinctively check to make sure mine are on.

 
 
43
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When someone tells me about something they hate, I usually think it's their twisted way of telling me that it's actually something they hate about me.

 
 
30
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I find it absolutely necessary to check my slippers for spiders before I put my feet in.

 
 
26
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If you're selling breakfast sandwiches for a buck, you've gotta know that people are buying these like they're shopping at Costco...in bulk. Please have a shit ton made so I don't have to wait 30 minutes!

 
 
150
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I was smoking on my balcony and the cute neighbor came out to his balcony and asked something. I answered his question in a girlie, giggly way...to which he replied, oh sorry, I was talking to my girlfriend inside. I will hide until my lease is up.

 
 
77
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I miss epic songs like Stairway to Heaven, Master of Puppets and Runnin' With the Devil. But, I'm actually glad they died out...can you imagine a 9 minute Lady Ga Ga song?

 
 
14
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It is physically impossible for me to say jumper cables out loud and it not come out as JUMPEL cables.

 
 
24
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Recently, I found out what IMO means. Before that, I just figured it was the next phase of being EMO.

 
 
44
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Cold, windy and rainy weather on a Sunday is like a 'get-out-of-doing-anything-productive-for-the-day' card.

 
 
91
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Whenever I'm sick and make chicken noodle soup, I hold my hands over the pan and burner like I'm at a campfire.

 
 
26
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It has come to my attention that I might just be the last person on earth that does not have a cell phone.

 
 
86
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I've never figured out how actors in movies can carry on full blown conversations with the passenger in their car...not once looking out the windshield. If I look away for even 3 seconds, I swerve over 2 lanes or take some random exit.

 
 
27
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If I have the slightest notion that people are talking about me, I'll make the loudest entrance possible, giving them time to stop.

 
 
119
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I don't care if it's difficult, uncomfortable or awkward for you...if you're my friend and I have something in my nose, tell me. Otherwise, you're dead to me.

 
 
32
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Whenever the lights flicker at work, I immediately check with others to insure they saw it too and it wasn't just me having a computer induced seizure.

 
 
22
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I practice my chopsticks skills at home with rice a roni. Needless to say, I'm pretty much a chopsticks ninja.

 
 
41
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There are a few things a grown man should never say out loud. Up there on that list...whoopsie-doodle.

 
 
20
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I'm seriously questioning my sanity after eating that breakfast sandwich I left on my desk for 7 hours.

 
 
48
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I feel like the Goldilocks of windshield wiping. No, no, that's too fast. Oh shit, now it's too slow. I have 10 settings and I've yet to find the 'just right' speed.

 
 
45
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No one really enjoys your scenic pictures from your vacation to Cabo. Yep, pretty water, great sunset...now where are the ones of you at 4:30 in the morning, drunk off 2 bottles of tequila, sucking the worm out of some randoms belly button?

 
 
25
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Why do 911 operators expect the caller to be some sort of compass? 'Which direction is the yelling coming from?' Um, next door. 'Ma'am, which direction is that?' Well, I'm facing my window, so to the left? 'Ma'am, is that North, South...?'

 
 
25
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I know my brain is completely fried when I have a vacation day planned and forget to tell everyone...including my place of employment.

 
 
13
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I'd rather break my own back than step on a crack and break my momma's back. Damn superstitions!

 
 
27
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Interior windows in homes should really have some kind of non reflective material on them. Nothing stops my heart faster than walking to my kitchen, only to be scared shitless by the 'intruder' lurking in the window!

 
 
39
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On one of those online dating commercials, the guy says "I guess I'm All-American when it comes to food...I love cheeseburgers" Wow, loves cheeseburgers? That's a rare quality in men, I need to sign up and meet this one!

 
 
38
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It's really hard to look like a feminine, delicate flower while sucking the meat out of a lobster claw.

 
 
41
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I house sit for a friend whenever she goes on vacation. Without fail, the neighbor 2 doors down is nailing, hammering, drilling and sawing. This has been going on for close to 10 years now. What the fuck is he building?

 
 
19
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I love that it's raining. If for no other reason than the neighbors loud ass barking dog gets to go inside for the night!

 
 
20
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I was just scoffed at by half the office for eating BBQ chips at 10:15am. 3 minutes later someone came around with a box of PopChips samples. Every single person grabbed a bag and began munching away happily. Hypocritical bastards!

 
 
92
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I hate when I can actually feel my bitch level go up and there's nothing I can do about it.

 
 
40
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If it's 10:30 at night, I can guaran-fuckin-tee that school is not in session. Drive!

 
 
266
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I don't know why, but I always feel a sense of superiority whenever a new employee starts.

 
 
21
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I was on the Papa Murphy's website and their new slogan is "Open wide...NO, WIDER". Suddenly I feel dirty and hungry all at once!

 
 
11
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Dear Department of Transportation; After 5 years, why would you change the light sequence at an intersection? All it did was thoroughly fuck up my already fucked-up morning routine! Thanks!

 
 
20
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Surprisingly, stepping in a plate of spaghetti is equally as gross as stepping in cat barf.

 
 
26
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Since when did offering someone a tic tac become "What? Does my breath stink?" Actually, I was just trying to be polite, but fuck it now!

 
 
48
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Do guys just not know that they're itching they're balls in front of people?

 
 
22
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My ears just popped. Shit. Wonder if I was yelling all day!?

 
 
32
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Being from North Pole, AK requires answering a lot of stupid questions. No, I didn't live in an igloo. Nope, I didn't ride on a dog sled to school. I do NOT know Santa. Yes, it's cold. Uh-huh, dark too. Wow, really?

 
 
41
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Why is it when I try to do a 'cute' messy ponytail, it looks like a bad hair piece stuck on the back of my head? But I'll be damned if it doesn't come out fabulously when I do it in the dark, with no mirror and no hair product.

 
 
23
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Apparently, faced with the decision to A. Crash my car, or B. Make sure my purse doesn't tip over & spill all of it's contents onto the floor and under the seat, I'd choose B!

 
 
22
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I find it fascinating that sitting in a chair, I can dance like a freaking star. Add my legs into the mix and I end up doing something resembling an 80's chick in a bad butt rock video.

 
 
22
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I hate that little pop up window showing me a preview of new email. It ruins the element of surprise. It also ruins my bosses mood when she's behind me and can see that a co-worker and I have been talking shit about her.

 
 
15
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Nothing sucks harder than thinking I won something awesome from the DJ onstage at the show, jumping up and down like an idiot and hugging my friend, only to find out it's a coupon for 30% off a product I'll never use!

 
 
29
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My friends got kicked out of a college football game this weekend for being too drunk. Too drunk? At a college football game? How is that even possible?

 
 
28
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I will pluck every damn eyelash out of my head to get to that one that's bent down and catching the bottom lashes!

 
 
13
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If I'm talking shit about my boss, the sales person who gave me that last minute urgent project and how cool the new PowerPoint is on my smoke break, should it REALLY count as a break?

 
 
36
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I have a sneaking suspicion that the roll of fat around my mid section is not stress related or due to the fact I'm a chick. I'm pretty sure it's the large amounts of beer I drink every night.

 
 
44
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A co-worker pulled out what he thought was a fabric sheet out of my hoodie...they were panties. Red and white with a turtle on the front. Instead of being mortified, I was just thankful they weren't my granny panties.

 
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