Ruminations
Whenever I'm not doing anything at work I could care less what everyone else is doing, but as soon as I'm busy, and everyone around me is doing nothing, you can bet your ass I'm pissed.
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I think this year, I'd like to give up work for Lent.
Not taking your lunch hour during the regular 12-1 spot, and saving it till the last hour of work should be totally acceptable.
What time do people do all their graffiti? Because honestly, who has ever seen anyone actually making those crazy bubble letters up on a bridge?
"Who else could it have been?" Ok, just because we're in the same house doesn't mean I'm immune to you sneaking behind me while I'm washing the dishes, not paying attention. Who else could it have been? Well it could have been a robber, jackass.
It's probably best that I don't have a fancy car because I'd end up with millions of dollars in tickets playing the "my car is better/faster than yours so I should be passing you" game on the highway.
Why do they bother to put up the "opposing traffic has longer green" signs? I feel jealous, sad and also that they're just gloating.
My coworkers should know well enough that if I actually start to do some form of work, and they're talking to me, that it means I really don't want to talk to them.
I could never be a model. Not just because I'm not rail thin, but because my serious face does not photograph well and I just end up looking like a complete idiot.
Shops online that don't have a physical store annoy the shit outta me. Although, they're pretty damn smart. They know full well that people like me won't return something I've bought online if I don't like it or it doesn't fit.
Why does it seem that everyone one generation behind ours is perfectly physically fit? It really makes it impossible to go to the beach and not feel a tiny bit self conscious. Ironically, I still have no desire to work out.
I wish when I was hired, my boss told me that I had to be in at 8:15, even though I don't have to be in until 8:30. They made the mistake of telling me 8:30, so now I'm always late.
I really wish that when someone said, "hold down the fort", that really meant that somewhere in my office, there was a fort, and I needed to protect it while everyone was gone.
It really bothers me when I get a bagel from Dunkins and they cover the center hole with cream cheese. Totally throws off the bagel to cream cheese ratio when I bite that spot.
I recently went to a restaurant and looked at the drink menu to find a beer named Hoptamus Prime. Well played bartender, I will now order this very expensive beer just because I want to say, "yeah I'll have the Hoptamus Prime please."
2 Rockstars, a Red Bull and 3 very large cups of coffee later and I'm still nodding off in my chair at work. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I'm immune to caffeine's effects, and will cry now.
I hate when the person you're talking to doesn't know the song you're describing, so you have to do the awkward, "sing the chorus" deal...I get so self conscious. Do you sing the words or hum? Belt it out? I'm embarrassed.
That's very true, friends who still live at home. I would in fact be able to buy a brand new car like you did, if I wasn't paying for groceries, utilities and rent. Thank you for pointing that painstakingly obvious fact out...
All too often I am reminded by my friends that most of the things I say shouldn't be out loud thoughts.
So, chances are, if you're obliterated, you're belligerent. I think we should just go ahead and combine some of our favorite drunk adjectives and make obllidgerated a word. Cut out the middle man.
Oh really landlord? You were on vacation? Well considering that it's now the middle of the month and I have to pay rent again and you haven't cashed my last months rent because of your "vacation" I'm going to assume you're just trying to piss me off.
Sorry guy next to me wanting to move into my lane, I just let the car in front of me in. That was my quota for the day. Stare across at someone else with your blinker on.
I don't really care what you think. If it's raining, I'm in a bad mood and you should be too. You enjoy the rain? What are you, a 15 year old emo kid?
I don't really care how much of a "miracle" giving birth is...when I do have a baby, my husband will not be within any visible distance of my spread legs during that "miracle".
why would you ever eat plain Special K when there's red berries, almonds or chocolate now paired with the cereal? And if you actually slice or put something on the plain Special K, I don't even know what to say.
I can always tell when I'm in desperate need to do laundry...my underwear drawer only contains the underwear I hate wearing.
I've recently taken to picturing the "bad" in every situation and it's starting to give me anxiety...intersection? I see that car smashing into the side of my car because they ran the stop sign. gas stove cooking? totally going to blow me up.
Bruce Springsteen's worst day? Miley Cirus winning best song in a movie over him.
I love that there's always someone to compare to, where you can look over at a friend and say, "if I end up like that, I give you permission to shoot me in the face". Plus, if they're a good friend, you know they'll pull through for you.
I always feel like I'm wasting alcohol by just having one drink or one glass of wine. I should at least have a couple and get a buzz, right?
if you're clearly still in High School and I clearly am not (because you're an intern and I'm employed with a salary), and you call me "hun" I have to suppress the urge to beat you, kay Muffin?
I cringe a little when someone doesn't say zero...768-7 OH 35. Um, did you just realize something in the middle of that? Stub your toe? God forbid a phone number had more than one zero in it...67 OH-OH 3 OH 5
I hate how you can spend 50 bucks at the grocery store and come home and literally have nothing to eat. What the hell is that?
I hate that if you get sunburned only on your arms, and you go to shower, you need to find the perfect lukewarm temperature to be able to keep your whole body in water. The rest of my body is freezing but if I make the water any hotter, my arms will feel like they're being dipped in lava.
You know, time usually does "fly by when you're having fun". I find that particularly annoying. I think it should be "time flies when you're bored out of your mind"
I wish that hair product people could figure out a way to make it so we use the same amount of shampoo as conditioner. This way, I'm not out of shampoo and left with an assload of conditioner
Having a blackberry and syncing it to your email is helpful, but also deceiving and disappointing. I wake up in the morning to what I think are 5 new text messages, and they always just end up being Victoria's Secret emails and NY Times news alerts...damnit.
I hate when I look really good and I'm around people I don't really care about...and then I want to look that same way for say...my boyfriend or when I go out, and I just can't get it right.
Why the hell does exercising take so long to get you in shape? I want 1 good week of exercise to make me fit, and I want it's results to last at least a year before I have to repeat this crap.
you know it's bad when you reach the end of Stumble. that's like reaching the end of the internet. and the world will implode when??
The months sure do fly by when you have to pay rent.
Monster.com doesn't listen... I'm clearly Entry Level, and that's what I'm searching for, and yet you proceed to show me all jobs which require 2-5 years experience...
Having a job sucks...not having one also sucks...lovely.
why is it that "getting ready for work in the early morning" time is SO much faster than "sitting at your desk mid afternoon waiting for lunch" time? I do a million things at work and look at the clock and 5 minutes have gone by...but at 7:30 AM I brush my teeth, spit, and look up at the clock and its 8:00?? Awesome.
I work part time at build-a-bear, and the other day, a mom got really mad because her son who was getting a zebra couldn't get a sound because we didn't have a "Zebra sound". I told her I wasn't even sure what sound a Zebra made, and she just replied with "well you have a cat sound and a dog sound"...I had NO idea what to say except for that she could record her own sound if she wanted.
I hate when you go to the drive thru, and the people taking your order just assume you're only ordering one thing. You say your first thing and they say "thank you please drive up" and you have to awkwardly ask, "can I also get something else??" Did they recently make a 1 item limit on drive thru orders?
Just because I hate Britney Spears doesn't mean Womanizer isn't catchy. I can sing it if I wanna.
How is it that tampon and pad companies keep coming up with "new" technology? There's really not much more that you guys can do to make this whole "we bleed for 7 days" thing any cooler or at all exciting. Oooooh this tampon has a new slender plastic applicator but provides the same protection?! I can't wait to get my period now!
Why is it that people pronounce words like Huge and Human as if the H is silent?? That elephant is not YOUge. I'm not YOUman. I got one! Say House for me without the H. Yeah, exactly.
Someone just called the office and asked me if they could get the 2009 Race Schedule. I told her "the schedule is posted online", she replied "yeah but then I'd have to buy a computer"...um, excuse me?
I thought it was pretty much common knowledge that if I ask "how ya feeling?" just making small talk because I know you had been sick and you don't just answer with something plain like, "ehh so-so" and instead you answer with "still have diarrhea", I won't know what to do or how to respond...
Whenever I choose to wear a pair of Grey Victoria's Secret "Pink" logo pants, there's always that one person who says "Pink?? but your sweatpants are Grey!" as if I'd look down in disbelief and thank them for pointing it out...."shit, I really gotta stop mis-labeling my pants"
A conversation between a coworker and my boss...Coworker: "Hey, are we going to be putting this on the site?"...Boss: "Yeah, but I couldn't get it up last night." Now, why is it that I am the only one in the office who laughed at this?
I live in the city of Providence in a 3 story apartment building. The people who live below me, who I can only assume go out a lot, have one of those little dogs that constantly whines and yips (not barks.)...now I've never seen the damn thing, I only hear it and all I want to do is punt it.
feeling embarrassed for other people is such an awful thing...that feeling of awful turns quickly to hysterical when they're not embarrassed themselves. fail. epic fail.
One night my parents, my grandma and I went out to dinner and we decided to get Calamari. When the nice young waiter came to take our order, my grandma decided to take over and stated that "We want the Calamari, but we don't want any of the testicles." While she may have meant TENTACLES, bless our waiter...that goddamn Calamari was testicle free.
Dear Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz,
I heard you named your baby Mowgli....Are you serious? I was just making sure you knew that your kid is going to hate you when he realizes his name is Mowgli...Okay cool.
Everyone knows that if you have a cell phone you have an address book, and if we're friends, and I'm calling you, you probably have my name in your address book, so when I call you and you say "hello?" like you have no idea who it is, I question your intelligence.
I find it hysterical that now-a-days, when you and a friend fight, or you break up with a significant other, they de-friend you on some social network and you know that automatically means you're out of their life.
Is it terrible that whenever I see a cute kid doin something funny I can only think "Damn, when I decide to reproduce, I hope my kid does something awesome so I can put them on youtube"?
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