Porn is educational. Women watch it too. I'll see something in one and be like I'd be up to trying that.

I hate when you buy an XS shirt or XS dress and your boobs are too big for said clothing item. When your friends have to help get you dressed for a night out because your arms are stuck in a dress/ top..just add bra cup sizes to clothing!!

I have decreed that sexual favors and sports scores go hand in hand.

Is it just me or are drug tests making people feel like criminals. Don't you flush that toilet bitch. What's next strip searches!

What is with these new commercials with words describing food or drinks with freshalicious or thrillialicious.. What is up with that? I blame Fergie.

Why is it that when you become a young professional friends say your days of whorey halloween costumes are over. Who decided that rule?

Some choice words of advice for the froshes: Jungle Juice tastes best when it's made in a garbage bag.

When you only purchase limes and salt at the grocery store you know your in for a good wasted time.

"Even fortunes cookies need a rest"-- was the fortune I received today..damn you fortune cookie.

Sales people at Target do not the know the true meaning of pong balls. Yeah I really want to play ping pong in the dead of winter it's for a beer pong tournament genius!

Fans that wear NFL jerseys to hockey games should be put on a deserted island for all eternity. Fan's that wear flags of their country as capes to a sporting event game can the luxury of being tarred and feathered.

when meeting your favorite comedian and mentioning these beautiful words. "I thought the first time I meet you I'd ask you to sign my boob." Don't forget the damn sharpie! thank you stage manager guy for saving the day at the Improv! This is why they make clip on mini sharpies.

If you work in a nursing home you not only have to look out for tackling Alzheimer patients but you need to watch out for patients who spank you. Yes this does happen to unsuspecting occupational therapists during sit to stand transfers, patient while being mid air will repeatedly smack your ass like there's no tomorrow. The only thing you can do when this situation arises is maintain decorum hahaha be professional.. and sit on an ice bag when you get home.

So I'm vacationing in Goa, India and I had decided to make my way over to the pool, my dad was with me and we looked straight ahead. There a few feet away is a fat obese man in a British flag speedo. I'm like "dad I think I just threw up a little in my mouth." He's like "oh god me too!" We hightailed it back towards the hotel.

so swimming superstar michael phelps is on tv right now he's in london doing something for the closing ceremonies and he walked out in a shirt and jeans. who on here is disapointed to not see him in a speedo one more time.. a banana hammock for old times. The speedo makes you faster in the water riiight?

I work in the health field and I had a patient who had trouble with positioning in a chair. I rolled into the room and the nurse's aide was like be careful he has trouble with his cohonas ( however that is spelled) So I check him over and head back into the rehab office. I ask my coworker do you remember anything from anatomy about cohonas? I go on and say there has to be two because the word is a plural. We think and think and then i ask my friend from California and she says BALLS, his balls are enlarged and he's in pain from that.

Victoria's secret has jumped the band wagon and made a memory foam bra. This would be an awesome sexy time trick, your date places a wine glass on your bra and jumps up and down on you. The memory foam bra will make an awesome pillow for your booty call too.

Look this up on you tube: tiddy bear. The tiddy bear is an actual product and for 14.95 you to can be a proud owner of one! haha its a bear that is between your boobs and the seat belt so the metal won't dig into you. The "titty bear" is its real name.. who invented that I can find better things to waist my money on such as an aqua globe!

On the rare occasions that my boss and I are in the same place..this had to happen.. Me: I went to this awesome tapas bar last weekend. my whole family was there, we were celebrating a friend's birthday boss lady: did you just say topless bar OMG your who family and family friends went with you! Me: whoa! no I said Tapas meaning the lil spanish appetizers that really are a meal.. not topless.. why would my family and friends go to a topless bar! fuck me! haha