-I’ve always been a pretty technology-savvy kind of guy.  In high school, I was the first in my Spanish class to figure out that I could just type my assignments in English and then translate them into Spanish online (Lo siento, Senora Bauer).  In college, I was the guy chicks often turned to when their computers died in the middle of writing an important paper (my usual advice: “Plug it in”).  Soon after I graduated and moved to Manhattan, I discovered that my new cell phone had this great feature that let me quickly turn my outgoing caller ID off – very useful when you’re calling girls wasted at 4am (I called it my “booty call button”).  And now that I live in Los Angeles, I’m employing every technology and digital device I can find to get a leg up on the competition, with increasingly positive results.  Though I’m only twenty-six, I’m technically peaking.

-When I first moved to LA, I bought a new cell phone that had two great features.  One was Bluetooth capability, so I could drive around talking on a wireless earpiece and fit in with the rest of the Hollywood douchebags.  The other was the ability to send the same text message to multiple people.  Now, late on a Saturday night, I can text “what are u up to?” to ten girls at once.  Let’s say I get six responses back, four are promising, two girls I actually meet up with, and one I take home – I’d have to use my old booty call button every five minutes for a week to achieve that kind of return.  In fact, I believe text messaging has made the booty call completely obsolete, joining the ranks of buying flowers, going out to dinner, writing letters, and engaging in actual conversation as artifacts in the annals of hook-up history.

-Like most people in big cities, I use Citysearch to look up restaurants and bars.  What always bothers me about the negative user reviews is that they’re often written by someone who only went to a bar once, couldn’t get in, and is really pissed off about it.  You don’t see a lot of truly candid, positive user reviews.  Probably because they’d sound something like this: “I never heard of this bar, but this chick I text messaged told me to meet her there.  I was real fucked up so I don’t really remember what the place looked like.  I threw up in a urinal in the bathroom and I lost my credit card.  The girl I texted ended up negging me but I went home with some other girl whose name I did not know and she touched my penis.  This bar rocks and I’d go back again if I could find it.”

-In the late ‘90s, Bill Gates famously underestimated the power of the Internet and had to struggle to catch up.  In the mid-2000s, I almost made a similar mistake.  People kept telling me there were women galore on MySpace, Facebook, and Friendster, but I was dating Girlfriend at the time and ignored their pleas.  But now that I’m single, I’ve seen the light.  Here’s my take.  Friendster seems to be much more of a Northeast thing and is slightly boring.  Facebook’s general purpose is to gently remind its members that there are hotter chicks at every other college in the country besides yours.  And MySpace, well, that’s where shit just gets freaky.  MySpace is where you go if you want to see pictures of a lithe blonde with no morals one minute and then get messaged by a strange goth dude the next.  In other words, the girl you try to take home from the bar and the guy who can’t get in who later writes an unnecessarily derogatory review on Citysearch.