-I’m fascinated by couples – how they meet, date, marry, and break up. I’ve had friends meet their mates online and others in dive bars. I’ve seen couples avoid acknowledging their relationship and others go “Facebook official” within weeks. I’ve attended countless weddings (even officiating one myself), as well as tended broken hearts and offered wingmanship to freshly dumped friends in need. But while single women are unfairly stigmatized and single men just as unfairly glorified, it’s really couples that deserve greater scrutiny. After all, they’re the ones making out and fighting in public, getting messy divorces, and generally making everyone else feel downright uncomfortable.

-I must admit to aiding and abetting a few couples myself. One of my buddies had an intricate system for entering the girls he’d meet into his phone: first name, where she’s from, and how they met. That way, should he decide to call “Lisa Boston Starbucks,” he’d know who she was. As you may remember, back in the day I used to organize epic pub crawls on my birthday each year, and my friend met a lovely Midwestern native on one such crawl. Six years later, they’re married, and my buddy still has his wife listed in his address book as what he entered the day they met: “Sylvia Oklahoma Karo.”

-There is nothing weirder than dating someone who lives with his or her sibling. You know what I’m talking about: those weird brother/sister roommates who aren’t twins but were somehow born less than nine months apart. And they’re always going out together and aggressively setting each other up. Listen, it’s sweet that you’re so close, but I feel weird going home with a girl knowing her brother will be there – and that it was his idea.

-One of my friends recently moved in with her longtime boyfriend, but after six months, it wasn’t working, so she moved out. But here’s the kicker: they stayed together! That’s a new one. Usually when you and your significant other decide to take the “next step,” and it fails, you don’t just go back to the previous step; you stop taking steps. Now their relationship is going in reverse. In about two years they’ll be having a one-night stand.

-Remember when you were younger, there was always a kid at the playground who decided that whatever you were doing that was “cool” yesterday was no longer cool today? The contemporary versions of those kids are married couples. You ever propose an activity that you’ve always done – like tailgating, or, say, staying up past 1am – to a married friend and they act like you’re the one who’s lame for suggesting it? They’re like, “Seriously? I’m in bed by midnight.” Well, excuse me, but personally I still think those things are cool. And, for the record, so is digging a hole to China in the sandbox.

-Of course, sometimes things just don’t work out. Whether you’ve been dating for ten weeks or married for ten years, breaking up is the oft-inevitable consequence of allowing another human being access into the dark and twisted recesses of your personal life. But when enough time has passed after a split, you may find yourself breaking bread with your ex and discussing what exactly went wrong. For those in the corporate world, this exercise might feel familiar: it’s your exit interview. And just like when you leave a job, you should use this opportunity to share constructive criticism with the other party. You may even learn something – most likely that you feel lucky to have gotten out when you did, and feel bad for the poor sap who will eventually take your place.