-Life progresses through a series of questions.  “Can I have some juice?” becomes “Why is the sky blue?” becomes “Why doesn’t she like me?” becomes “How am I gonna pay the rent?” becomes “Will you marry me?” becomes “Weren’t you on birth control?” becomes “Did you notice all these gray hairs?” becomes “Where are my teeth?”  And then, once again, “Can I have some juice?”  We are taught from an early age to question everything.  But I’ve spent far less time pondering life’s great existential crises than I have obsessing over life’s inconsequential annoyances.

-Why do companies think that giving me a five-dollar rebate will be enough incentive for me to refer a friend?  I don’t like your product that much, and I certainly don’t like my friends that much.

-What is the non-athletic equivalent of a linebacker in short sleeves running out onto the field in freezing cold weather?   Going out drinking with no jacket on a Saturday night in freezing cold weather? 

-Why do rogue government agencies in the movies always seem to keep a list of their undercover operatives in an easy-to-copy, portable hard drive that often falls into the wrong hands?  Some things are just better off committed to memory.

-How do I know where to hang a shelf on the wall?  If people are watching, I’ll knock in different places and pretend to listen to the sounds to determine where the beams are.  But really I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.  If people aren’t watching, I just keep making holes until I find a good one.

-Why do television shows utilize dream sequences?  I have never watched a dream sequence and then said, “Wow, that was a really good scene.”  Instead I’m like, “Wait, so none of that actually happened?  Then why the hell did they just make us sit through that utter nonsense?”