Ruminations
Why is it that musicians are the only group of professionals who are horribly offended at the video game versions of what they do? You don't see PGA golfers out there whining that Wii Golf isn't real golfing.
1 
I read printed text in my head as though someone was speaking it out loud. So when someone accidentally hits caps lock in the middle of a sentence, it sounds to me like they just started yelling uncontrollably, by accident.
Am I the only person who finds it weird that we still call them "movies"? It's a nickname given to "moving pictures" in the 1920s and we haven't thought of a cooler name? On the other hand, people who call them "films" sound kinda pretentious.
I think I've discovered the secret to slowing down the aging process: Go to work. At work, time stands still.
There's something about pointing out other people's stupidity that really makes them not fond of you...
So they have Happy Mother's Day cards from the cat and dog now. My pets are my kids, but if I got a card from my dog I'd be like, "Thanks, Scooter, but how the fuck did you manage to get out of the house, steal my wallet and car, drive yourself to walmart, read the cards until you found the one that is from the dog, use the right debit card and forge my signature, sign the card, put it in the envelope and seal it? You must be a genius. THAT'S A GOOD BOY!"
"Oh hey, tell Jim I said hi!" It's a nice thought, but we both know it's not gonna happen.
I can never throw away a tablet. Ever. No matter what's printed on it, if it's made of neon orange paper, if it has only three pages left, if the corner of the last 20 pages have coffee spilled on them... I just can't do it. I have tablets with those little calendars in the back that are from 2002.
I'm one of those people who doesn't change much as I age. I have a picture of me from a trip to the beach in 1996... I like to show it to people and when they say something like "Hey, you look good here!" I retort, "I was 14 in that picture, you sick bastard!"
If Dr. Pepper is supposed to be made from 23 flavors, how can cherry or vanilla not already be in there?
If you are older than 5, and younger than 75, and are wearing velcro shoes... I'm probably afraid of you.
Hey, do you remember what it was like to have dial-up? Cause I sure as hell don't, and if my cable internet takes longer than one third of a nanosecond to load a webpage, I get annoyed.
Pulling up to a red light: stop singing until you go again and miss precious lyrics, or try to sing like a ventriloquist and not move your lips?
Whoever invented Payday bars must not have gotten paid much. It's made out of peanuts.
Sorry, V8 Splash, but you just taste like blueberry tomato soup.
The fact that my parakeet is watching me eat a spicy chicken sandwich is making me quite uncomfortable.
In my family, "Tetris" is a verb. If you come home with groceries and there's no way all the frozen stuff is gonna fit in the freezer? Tetris it! Can't cram all those dishes in the dishwasher? Tetris them! It helps if you sing one of the three background songs as you do it.
Meat Loaf's "I Would Do Anything for Love" came on the car radio today as my mom and I were heading out and about. It has always been my theory that this is the best song ever for singing along or lip syncing *extremely* melodramatically. My theory was further substantiated when halfway through the song, Mom started reaching out to the windshield with one hand, clutching her chest with the other, and singing "Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?" Thanks, Mom.
I still get really excited about picking out a new pack of pens or pencils.
I am the ultimate definition of a nerd: I have more contacts in my phone for computer, electronics, and video game stores than I have for friends.
My boss called me an evil genius today. I'm taking it as a compliment.
Are there people in other countries that are as bad at the spelling and grammar of their language as people are at English?
I feel that every American should have to, as a rite of passage, spend at least a few months working full time in the service industry (fast food, retail, etc.). Then maybe, just maybe, people wouldn't be quite as big of douchebags to the people who work those jobs on a regular basis, because they themselves have had to experience the douchebaggery of customers.
Everyone has days where a certain song will get stuck in your head no matter what you do, but it's even worse when the song is terrible and you don't even like it. It's like, "Thanks, department store muzak, now I can't balance my checkbook because I can't stop singing 'Ricky Don't Lose That Number'."
