-The other day, I saw a commercial for a special on popcorn shrimp at Red Lobster.   And at the very end of the ad, in tiny type at the bottom of the screen, were the words “Prices higher in Honolulu and Times Square.”  I found it both amusing and telling that the only two places in the country that couldn’t comply were a remote island in the Pacific Ocean…and the heart of Manhattan.  But that’s New York City for you – a riddle wrapped in mystery inside an enigma, then fried with batter and served with tangy dipping sauce.  

-A few weeks ago, I was having a drink at some dive bar on the West Side with my buddy Brian when we were approached by a reasonably attractive chick who was running a promotion for Miller Lite.  She gave us each free beers then asked if we wanted to enter a sweepstakes.  The prize?  Miller Lite will come to your apartment and build a fully stocked bar.  We both looked at her in shock and instantly knew that the suits up at Miller Lite corporate hadn’t quite thought this idea through.  “Do you know how small my apartment is?” I asked.  “Yeah,” Brian chimed in, “If you build me a bar, where am I gonna sleep?  In the bathroom?”

-Earlier in the day, Brian and I had walked passed a Chinese restaurant called Noodles on 28 that, oddly enough, is located on 28th Street.  We walked a bit further and were surprised to notice that Noodles on 28 was opening a second location – about 100 feet down the block.  Brian commented on what that boardroom discussion must have been like: “Well, the Noodles on 28 business is booming and it’s time for us to expand.  But where?  Rome?  Paris?  Tokyo?  Wait…I got it.  29th Street!”

-People like to argue and talk shit in New York about why their neighborhood is better and yours sucks.  I find this to be an exercise in futility.  Honestly, the way some folks go on and on, just being born in this town doesn’t even earn you street cred anymore – you have to be spawned from the seed of a hippie and a beatnik and emerge immaculately from a manhole in the Lower East Side.  Who the fuck cares which neighborhood is “better”?  I pay thousands of dollars a month for an apartment where I can see the refrigerator from my bed.  We’re all in this together.