-Last weekend, my cousin Rob proposed to his girlfriend at the finish line of the New York City Marathon.  My reaction: “Proposed?  I don’t even like sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend.”  My friend Shermdog’s reaction: “Girlfriend?  I can’t remember the last time I hooked up with the same chick twice.”  My friend Cat’s reaction: “Marathon?  I don’t even have a gym membership!”

-Meanwhile, I’ve been dating Girlfriend for eight months now, moving her into second place on my all-time longest relationship list.  The eight-month mark is usually the time when boyfriends start to let themselves go.  I’ve gotten really lazy.  I don’t work out as much.  I barely leave the house.  In other words, if Girlfriend ever reaches first place, it won’t exactly be a Hank Aaron-like moment.

-Recovering frat boys like me who have girlfriends are often confronted with the “grass is always greener” dilemma.  In simplest terms, a lot of guys think they’d be better off without a girlfriend because then they could run around spreading their seed at will.  We are so dumb.  I was single for four years before meeting Girlfriend.  I did pretty well during that time.  But it was hard work.  And tiring.  And I still crapped out pretty often.  The grass is definitely not greener.  It’s brown and wilted and in some spots it’s just cement.

-And in reality, for guys, hooking up really doesn’t matter all that much.  It’s telling your friends a good story that’s the real fun.  I would venture to say that I get more pleasure from telling and re-telling a good, crazy, wasted hook-up story than from the experience itself.  I don’t even think I need the actual hook-up, just the memory of it.  Like the movie “Total Recall” but with blow jobs.