-It’s pretty difficult to become a college professor.  First, you have to get your Bachelor’s degree.  Then, you have to go back to school to get a Masters.  After that you have go to school for another couple of years, write a hundred-page thesis, and get your Phd.  Even then you still have to get your work published in order to get hired.  So what happens after these professors go through all those years of school and get all those degrees?  They lose the ability to realize that they have chalk all over their face, hands, and ass while lecturing in front of three hundred students.  You can tell every place your teacher scratches because he leaves a trail of chalk dust and doesn’t realize.  And of course, no student is going to stand up and tell the professor, so the chalkiness continues.

-Most college students rely on an ATM to get their money.  I think ATM fees are the biggest load of bullshit ever.  I love when it asks me, “There is a three dollar charge for this transaction, would you like to continue?’  Well what the fuck am I supposed to do, print the money myself?  Like I really have a choice.  I have one ATM in the whole world that doesn’t charge me fees and it’s 150 miles away in my hometown.  And did you ever notice that when you look at your receipt, your balance is never what you expected it to be?

-And what is with these credit card companies who hire people to stand outside and try to get you to give them your credit information in exchange for a free t-shirt.  Does anyone actually give them their real information?  How do they make money from this?  Meanwhile, I get a different “pre-approved” double platinum Visa card in the mail every day and I have never used a credit card in my life!

-It’s funny when you’re all out drinking and one of your friends hurts himself because you always ask the kid who is pre-med to take care of him.  Like this kid who took two biology classes knows what the fuck he’s doing.  If anything, the pre-med kids are even drunker because they’re so stressed with organic chemistry and MCATs.