-My powers of observation are both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, they allow me to document and mock some of life’s more obscure moments.  On the other hand, I tend to notice and overanalyze the tiniest inconveniences, often sending me into a blind rage.  But I can’t be the only one out there who pays attention to these things.  If you’ve ever wondered why the faucets in restaurant bathrooms always seem to have only two settings – “off” and “splatter everywhere” – then you, like me, may be doomed to a lifetime of sweating the small stuff.  

-When a certain friend of mine counts on her hand, she does it backwards.  She starts with her pinky for “one,” ring finger for “two,” and so on.  This drives me fucking crazy.  She says it’s normal.  I say she can forget a career as a boxing referee.

-It’s a great feeling when a buddy and I go out boozing, pick up two girls, and head to another bar with them.  It’s often ruined, however, when I get stuck sitting shotgun in the cab and have to awkwardly kick game to a girl in the back seat through the money slot in the glass partition.

-I’m staunchly pro-seat belt, except when they suddenly cinch tightly around me for no apparent reason, cutting off oxygen to my extremities.  I wonder how many accidents are caused by people yanking wildly on a seat belt that’s gone anaconda on them.