-Congratulations, Class of 2008, you’re about to get your college degrees!  In just a few short weeks, you’ll be sitting at graduation, listening to words of wisdom from administrators you don’t like, faculty you don’t respect, and one disappointingly B-rate politician or executive hired to give the same forgettable commencement address at six other universities.  That’s why I believe that college graduation is like being hungover – your best bet is to drink through it.  So, in what has become an annual tradition, I’d like to give this year’s graduates an honest look at what the real world is actually like.

-Just as freshman year probably seems like yesterday to you, life after college also passes in the blink of an eye.  My friend Jen recently told me about a job she’s applying for that requires at least seven years of experience.  My immediate reaction was, “Are you kidding me?  How are you ever gonna get that?”  And Jen was like, “Karo, we graduated seven years ago.  I have that much experience now.”  Oh my God.  I never thought I’d ever know people who are – gulp – actually qualified for shit.

-As we move up the ranks of our respective industries, I often find myself engaging with my friends in serious business transactions.  While this kind of networking is not surprising, it does take some compartmentalization.  For instance, I’m working on a big project, potentially involving lots of money, with my buddy Ian – a borderline alcoholic.  I know this because I’ve been out drinking with him.  When we’re talking contracts and financials on a Friday afternoon, he’s a complete professional.  But still, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “In a few hours, this guy’s gonna be obliterated.”

-If you’ve decided to go to law school after graduation, good luck.  I know dozens upon dozens of lawyers, and not one has ever told me that they truly love what they do.  It’s a cold, hard fact: job satisfaction for attorneys maxes out at “rich and mildly happy.”  Remember, these are the same people who ruined the word “bar.”