-In many ways, going to class is like Sea World.  If you choose to sit in the first two rows, you know you are going to get called on.  That’s the splash zone because you know you have to pay attention or else you’ll get soaked.  And everyone in the other rows is just sitting back and eating popcorn because they know they’ll never have to answer any questions.

-A lot of my friends have been celebrating their twentieth birthdays.  It’s kind of weird because its like they’re all men and I’m still just a kid.  It’s also kind of depressing.  Being a teenager is an excuse to do all kinds of dumb shit.  People in their twenties are like real people.  I don’t want to be real person!

-There are two kinds of kids who really annoy me.  The nodders and the flash-card-makers.  A nodder is that dork in the front of the class who doesn’t ever say anything but just nods his head in approval at whatever the teacher says.  Teachers like nodders because it gives them the impression that someone has a clue about what the fuck they are talking about.  Then there are the people who make flash cards before every single test.  Even math!  There are no fucking definitions, what the hell are you quizzing yourself on?  If the flash-card-makers would spend more time studying and less time making color-coded flash cards, they would do a lot better.  Obviously the nodders and the flash-card-makers sit in the splash zone.

-Women confuse me.  Everyone always makes fun of how they go to the bathroom in herds.  Did you ever notice that you never get a straight answer when you ask them why?  No one really knows.  What, do they hold each other up or something?  And they’re always giggling and chatting – just hurry the fuck up!  That’s one huge advantage guys have – they can piss anywhere.  Sometimes we will go on the floor even if there is a bathroom just because the floor is closer.  My friend once pissed out the window of a moving bus.  That was cool.