Last night when I was very drunk, I fell into the toilet because I didn't notice that the seat wasn't down. Ladies, I now feel your pain and I'm sorry for never putting the seat down.
this rumi, plus the new profile pic make me worry
Posted by: randyfitz
254 days ago
ok, i was asked to sing backup vocals for a band and all the other singers were girls but they needed a guy's voice and we thought all the backup singers should be girls so i dressed in drag for the show. gimme a break...it was hilarious.
Posted by: moozgit
253 days ago
-Well, first semester is drawing to a close, and what wild ride it has been. I have never consumed so many toxic substances, expelled as many body fluids, or did as much work as I have in the last few months. I guess college is kind of like an economics problem: you want to maximize toxic substances consumed, minimize body fluids expelled, and do a decent amount of work. Of course, that’s all theory. In reality, I end up doing twelve kegstands, puking my brains out, and sleeping through my econ quiz.
-Speaking of puking, you ever notice that when you have to throw up, nothing will stop you from getting to the bathroom? I’m drinking in my room the other night and I get that feeling in my throat, so I knock my chair down, bust open my door, sprint down the hallway, knock some chick down the stairs, barge into the bathroom, break down the stall door, and then what do I do? Throw up on the toilet paper dispenser, completely missing the toilet.
-So we all have finals coming up. What’s with these exams at night? My foreign language final is at like 6:30pm – it’s like a fucking meal. If someone asks me what I’m having for dinner that night, I’ll be like, “Italian.”
-I’m obsessed with this gorgeous junior girl who of course won’t give me the time of day. But I really don’t understand why. I don’t think she understands that she being a gorgeous junior girl and me being a lowly freshman guy, that the first eleven times we hooked up, she wouldn’t even have to move. I swear I would do all the work, she could just lie on her back the whole time. Why wouldn’t she want that? I don’t understand!
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