-We are in the midst of one of the most divisive elections in history.  Democrats hate Republicans.  Conservatives hate liberals.  Everyone hates the debate moderators.  But there is really one group that we can blame for all the negativity and vitriol that has enveloped this campaign: “undecided” voters.  Obama and McCain don’t care about those of us who have already made up our minds, and with good reason.  All their speeches and ads are now targeted to those people who claim, that after a year-and-a-half-long media blitz, they still don’t have enough information to make a decision.  I don’t call these people “undecided” – I call them fucking idiots.  Forget about hockey moms and Reagan democrats; what the candidates are really courting… is the moron vote.

-First of all, I don’t quite understand Sarah Palin’s strategy of constantly referring to herself as a “hockey mom.”  Isn’t she alienating all the parents whose kids are awkward, ungainly, and don’t play sports?  There’s got to be fewer hockey moms than there are Dungeons & Dragons moms.

-Many voters compare the candidates’ lives with their own to see if they can relate.  This isn’t the best yardstick of who will make a great president, but I’ll admit, I’ve done it.  For instance, it’s odd to consider that Obama and I are alike in that we’ve both written two books, but different in that he’s tried cocaine and I haven’t.

-John McCain and I both delivered speeches at my graduation from Penn in 2001.  I spoke at the business school ceremony in the morning, and he spoke at commencement for the entire university.  An excerpt from my speech: “After all the 9am classes that we had to sit through, did graduation really have to be this early?  All kidding aside though, I am confident that each and every one of you sitting before me today will become a great success by meeting any challenge that comes your way.”  An excerpt from McCain’s speech: “Will you specifically, with all the confidence and vitality that you claim today, assume the obligations of community, national, or world leaders?  I'll be damned if I know.  I'm not clairvoyant, and I don't know you personally.”  Way to inspire, Senator.