-Chi and Claudio, two of my buddies in New York, left me a drunken voicemail the other night.  They said that they miss me since I moved to Los Angeles.  Then, they listed the reasons why they miss me.  To paraphrase: “Things are way too calm around here.  When you’re around, Karo, it’s a fucking commotion, there’s chaos everywhere and shit gets destroyed.  OK dude we’re wasted, gotta go. (pause) You LA fuck.”  That might have been the nicest voicemail I’ve ever received.  And it struck me that twentysomethings value their buddies not for what they bring to the table, but for what they don’t – in my case, predictability, reason, and common sense.  In fact, if you truly examine your closest companions, you’re bound to find that they’re friends without benefits.

-When I have buddies come to visit for the weekend, I make sure to finish every last bit of work and run every single errand before they arrive.  Because I know that for the next 48 to 72 hours, every single second will be spent either feeding them, getting them fucked up, cleaning up after them, or occasionally napping.  After dropping them off at the airport on Sunday, I feel like I can rejoin the human race, until realizing that most humans would have provided their four friends with more than one pillow, towel, and bar of soap to share between them for three days.

-I met my buddy Chi when I was assigned the cubicle adjacent to his during my Wall Street days.  He’s Korean and from Los Angeles, and thus, we couldn’t have been more different.  But we became fast friends for two reasons.  One, we shared a common interest in getting blindingly drunk after work.  And two, I admired how he could get away with sporting a goatee and Diesel sneakers to the office (both against company policy) simply because he’s Korean and from Los Angeles and people were afraid to say anything.

-I hang out with my frat buddy Zach a lot in LA.  He kind of looks like Patrick Dempsey (aka “Dr. McDreamy”).  What’s odd is that in the nine years I’ve known Zach, never until recently have I heard so many girls comment about him – his popularity has mirrored the success of Grey’s Anatomy.  Zach has a girlfriend, but if they ever break up and Grey’s gets canceled, he may never get laid again.