-You know you watch too much television when you try to DVR real life.  That’s exactly what happened the other day as I stood in my kitchen and thought I saw a bug scurry across the floor out of the corner of my eye.  I turned around too late, but as I did, I felt my left thumb instinctively jerk forward two inches – the exact motion I make to hit the instant replay button every time that weird black smoke flows past the screen in “Lost.”  It was a surreal moment, but not altogether unexpected.  After all, I’ve seen exactly one movie in the theaters this year, but follow 15-20 television shows every week.  What’s not to love about the small screen?  I don’t have to leave the house, I don’t have to interact with other humans, and I get to freeze-frame Kaitlin Cooper’s ass on “The OC.”  So curl up on the couch, skip over those commercials, and allow me to be your TV guide.

-You know what I’m gonna ask Santa Claus for this year?  An episode of “House” without rectal bleeding.

-The “Viewer Discretion is Advised” warning before “Prison Break” is possibly the most dramatic three seconds on television.  If I was a young, impressionable kid and saw that warning, there’s no way I would NOT watch that show.  FOX is a bunch of goddamn geniuses.  

-It pains me to say this, but I think “Grey’s Anatomy” might have jumped the McShark this season.  Don’t get me wrong, I still never miss an episode.  But I used to be near tears at the end.  Now I just find myself wondering when they’re gonna show Izzie in a bra again.