-This week I crossed a landmark threshold in my tale of twentysomething life: I have now officially been out of college longer than I was in college.  Most likely I will celebrate this milestone and its implication of newfound maturity by getting so blindingly drunk that some chick at the bar will look at me in disgust and proclaim, “Karo, you’re so immature.”  But she’ll be wrong, because maturity and drunkenness are not mutually exclusive in my opinion.  In fact, the older one gets, the more important it becomes to get rip-roaring shitblasted on occasion.  It’s like chicken soup for the twentysomething soul.  Except, you know, the soup gets you really fucked up.

-I love Wasted Happy Hour Chick.  This is the girl who came straight from work to the bar and is still there at midnight even though her colleagues are all gone, she’s lost a shoe, and she’s been carrying around her laptop bag for seven hours.  Wasted Happy Hour Chick can usually be found dancing wildly by herself in the corner and is easy prey for Slimy Investment Banker Dude – who’s not nearly as drunk but has far fewer morals.

-I’m pretty sure the entire cell phone industry would collapse if it weren’t for people standing on line outside of bars desperately calling everyone they know to try to get in.  The guys are standing in the street, brows furrowed, phone on one shoulder and a finger in the opposite ear so they can hear better.  The girls are standing just behind the velvet rope, dressed completely inappropriately to be waiting out in the cold, and text messaging every guy they almost hooked up with once to help get them in.  And I’m standing halfway down the block calling all my friends to abort because there’s no fucking way I’m waiting on line.  Seriously, the bouncers should be sponsored by T-Mobile.

-Why can’t they make a beer can that tells you the temperature of the beer, kind of like those batteries that tell you how much power is left?  That would prevent me from thinking a beer is cold, when in reality, only the can was cold.  And how obvious is it that I thought of this idea while completely wasted and drinking surprisingly warm beer?