-At the beginning of 2007, my buddy Brian and I created a spreadsheet in which we guessed when each of our four friends in serious relationships would get engaged during the year.  Whoever was more accurate would be taken out to dinner by the other.  The only rule was that at least two of the four couples had to get engaged for the bet to count.  Fast forward twelve months: one couple is engaged, two couples have moved in together but aren’t engaged yet, one couple has split up, and all eight participants resent us for wagering on their love lives.  Although the bet did not meet the minimum threshold to be deemed valid, I did learn from the experience that trying to predict the year ahead is futile.  So let’s look back instead.  This is my Year in Review.

-The best thing that happened to me in 2007 was that I stopped shaving.  I was inspired to do this by my buddy Claudio who works in advertising (which apparently is similar to being a comedian in that appearing clean-cut is optional).  Instead of using a blade and shaving cream, he simply uses a buzzer to trim down to stubble, and then lets it grow back out until he trims it again a few days or even a few weeks later.  Fucking brilliant.  Freed from irritated skin and cutting myself, I now rock stubble 24/7.  Plus now I know that if this stand-up thing doesn’t pan out, I can always go into advertising.  

-Toward the end of the year, my alma mater sends out a manifest of who in my class donated to the school, and at what level they gave.  The giving levels have fancy names like “Benjamin Franklin Society,” “Ivy Stone Society,” and “Other.”  I always read the list from top to bottom thinking things like, “Can’t believe he makes more money than me,” “Shoulda dated her,” and “What a cheap bastard.”  I guess nothing engenders school spirit more than jealousy, regret, and spite.

-When I return home to Long Island for the holidays, a huge change awaits me.  After twenty-eight years, my parents have finally turned my childhood bedroom into a guest room.  The weirdest part occurred this summer when, in preparation for the renovation, I had to empty the room of all my belongings.  It was like going back in time as I ripped down Don Mattingly posters, listened to cassette tapes, and played Game Boy.  I found some cool stuff – like my first pair of baby shoes and the Young Author Award I won in fourth grade.  Unfortunately, though, any amazement I felt about growing up to actually become an author was quickly quelled by the discovery that I own the cassette single of “Rump Shaker.”