-Remember the second half of your senior year in high school?  You didn’t do much work, you probably cut a bunch of classes, you may have even gotten fucked up in the middle of the day.  You had “senioritis.”  Wow, the college version of senioritis is so much crazier (or should I say, lazier).  My friends don’t do shit.  Some aren’t even enrolled in any classes.  I once went a whole week without leaving my house.  Being at college with nothing to do is truly the life.  I dedicate this issue to college seniors everywhere – the laziest creatures on earth!

-So I’m pretty much addicted to Red Bull and vodka.  I was never much of a fan of vodka.  But then along comes Red Bull, this magical drink that covers the taste completely and is available for free at my school (see the previous issue of Ruminations).  I am also obsessed with the TV show Temptation Island.  So I guess this is what my senior year has been reduced to: downing vodka-caffeine drink cocktails while watching reality television on FOX.  Man, that’s almost embarrassing.

-I love “male tension” at parties.  Guys don’t like to meet other guys.  Guys think they have enough guy friends that they’ll ever need and everyone else is automatically an asshole.  You’ll see a guy whisper to a girl at a party, “Hey, who’s that dude in the corner?”  “Oh, you don’t know Matt?  He’s great.”  And the guy is always like, “I fucking hate that kid,” without ever meeting him!

-If you have to take a shit during class, is it OK to take the book you are reading in class to the bathroom?  The other day I walked out of poly sci with our big-ass textbook under my arm.  When I came back like ten minutes later, everyone was giving me looks.  I mean, if you have to read something while on the can, it might as well be relevant to the class you’re missing, right?