-I was at a house party in Santa Monica a few weeks ago when my friend told me that he was leaving his job to work for a buddy on a pretty big film project.  I congratulated him on the great news and for signing what must have been a lucrative contract.  But my friend replied that there was no formal contract, saying, “My buddy was just like, bro, do you want to work on this?  And I was like, dude, totally.”  I guess I should have realized then that when two close guys friends commit to enter into a business arrangement, no lawyers are needed.  And so a new term was born: the “brogreement.”  Brogreements happen every day and are used to determine everything from who is gonna pick up the beer to who is going to succeed you as CEO.  But before you enter into one, it’s important to examine who these jackasses you call your friends really are.

-Customarily, when one of my friends crashes at a buddy’s place for more than just a night or two, he either takes him out for a nice meal or buys him a bottle of vodka as a gesture of thanks.  Last year, Brian and Triplet #1 came out to visit me in LA, and when the check came for our final breakfast, they announced they’d be picking up the tab.  My share of the bill?  $12.  Without compunction, I promptly began giving them shit for not having picked up a bigger check.  Whoever said “It’s the thought that counts” probably never shamed their friends into buying them a handle of Goose.

-When women ask what he does for a living, my buddy Eric, who’s a bond trader, enjoys describing his job in the most unnecessarily complicated terms possible.  I’m not sure if he thinks this will impress girls or merely confuse them into hooking up with him, but I have to admit that it works pretty well.  It’s kind of like asking someone for directions in a foreign country – you have no clue what they just said but you figure they spoke with conviction and had a nice watch on so they must be trustworthy.

-You know the classic Seinfeld episode where Jerry complains that the car rental place knows how to take reservations but not how to hold them?  That’s like Triplet #1 but with plans: he can make plans; he just doesn’t keep them.  If you make plans with him, he tends to sort of pencil it in until something better comes along, and then cancels on you at the last possible moment.  I love the kid, but sometimes we have to remind him that guy code clearly stipulates plans can only be broken for three reasons: a death in the family, the opportunity for sex, or playoff tickets.