-First of all, can you believe we’re in fucking college! Do you remember what your room at home looked like? Or what your parents look like? Shit, what the hell happened!?

-When my mom asked me if I know my way around, I said yes, but what I really meant was that I can only find the one room I have class in in each of only four buildings, the frat houses, the places that sell beer, anything open 24 hours, my room, twelve other kid’s rooms, and 7-Eleven.

-I have no idea how to do laundry. No, no, not like I have some idea but just don’t know how much fabric softener to use, I mean I have NO IDEA how to do laundry. I just had this vision that there would be some cute chick in the laundry room every time I went there who would show me how to do it. Dreams die hard, but I have no underwear.

-I really really really really really really really really miss my mommy.