-I’m regularly amazed when fans email me to say they want to try stand-up comedy, but don’t want any of their friends to come watch them.  To me, the very definition of a friend is someone who will cheer you on while you’re attempting something terrifying for the first time.  Of course, different friends serve different purposes.  Some you call for advice, and others you call because they know hot chicks.  In a way, your buddies are like specialists, each serving important but unique roles in your life.  So whether you’re being booed off stage or booted from a bar, it’s good to know you have friends that will be there, never passing judgment, and always laughing both with you and at you.

-Some of my friends have dual personalities – one that is displayed in person and one that comes out via text message.  For instance, my buddy Shermdog is a fairly wild party animal.  But he has a completely different texting personality.  He sends me such thoughtful, nuanced messages that it’s sometimes hard to believe he’s the same guy who was shoving tequila down my throat only hours earlier.

-It’s possible to be really tight with a co-worker, to the point where you actually look forward to seeing him or her every day, but still have no desire to ever hang out with them outside of the office.  It’s weird because you share all the intimate details of your life with them while shooting the shit in your cubicle, but as soon as they ask you what you’re doing that weekend, you automatically start spewing a string of lies about why you can’t get together.

-I was out to dinner with three of my friends recently and realized that one was big and fat, one was tall and skinny, and one was medium-sized.  They looked like a team from the original Nintendo ice hockey game.