-A few weeks ago, Penn beat Princeton in basketball to win the Ivy League Championship.  My friends and I traveled to Jersey to watch the game where Princeton graciously sat us so far from the court I couldn’t even tell which team was scoring.  However, upon winning the title we once again stormed the court.  Unfortunately, this time I lost my balance and was trampled by a few hundred people.  I hurt my shoulder pretty badly but my pain was lessened when I saw myself crushed on the lead story on SportsCenter.  One day I can tell my kids that my sophomore year at Penn I stormed two basketball courts and ripped down a pair of goalposts.  I fuckin’ love college!

-Because of my injuries I spent the next day in Student Health and therefore had a lot of time to think.  I realized that getting hurt isn’t glorious anymore like it was in high school.  In high school you either got hurt playing a sport or getting into a fight – and that was pretty cool.  But in college most people don’t play sports or fight that much anymore.  College kids only get hurt by falling when drunk, getting beat up by bouncers at a club, or like me – getting trampled at a basketball game.  Getting hurt used to be cool, but now it’s just kind of embarrassing.

-Student Health has got to be one of the biggest jokes on campus.  Kids would rather try to cure their illnesses on their own then wait in line all day to see a doctor.  When I went for my trampled shoulder they told me to come back in three weeks when I could see an orthopedist.  Thanks a lot, but by that time my arm will have either healed completely or fallen off.  My friend had minor surgery last month.  To test to see if his anesthesia had worn off, they asked him who the president of the school was.  He named his 10th grade chemistry teacher.  They gave him two painkillers and let him leave.

-Quote of the Month: Dan S., from Penn.  We were hanging out and I asked him if he was partying that weekend.  When he told me no, I called him a loser and asked him why.  He said, “I’m playing in the NCAA Tournament.”  I had totally forgotten he was on the basketball team and that has to go down as the best excuse ever for not going out.