-The other day I found myself sitting on the couch watching reruns of Lizzie McGuire on the Disney Channel (and feeling sort of guilty because I was kinda getting turned on).  And as I stuffed another piece of my roommate’s girlfriend’s leftover Valentine’s Day candy into my mouth, I realized something – I haven’t worked in a full year.  Furthermore, I realized that the past year since I left Wall Street to pursue comedy has been one of the best years of my life.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked many a job in my day – from investment banks in New York to consulting firms in London, from tiny dot.com start-ups to huge, multinational corporations.  And they all had one thing in common: I hated every second of it.  Look around you.  I bet every unemployed twentysomething you know is desperately looking for a job while everyone with a job is desperately looking to get the hell out.  We’ve entered an era of job insecurity.

-Getting up at the crack of dawn for work is sort of like doing the New York Times crossword puzzle – it gets harder and harder as the week goes on until it’s almost impossible on Friday.  And when your alarm goes off and you sit up in bed with one eye open, you always do that silent “reverse acceptance speech” where you curse every person of authority in your life.  You think to yourself, “I’d like to say that I hate everyone who brought here me to his moment at 5:45am.  I hate my parents, my boss and, of course, my co-workers who come out every single day to support me.  I hate you all.  And now I’m going to snooze for seven more minutes.  Goodnight.  Assholes.”

-Why do girls carry that extra bag to work?  Everyone’s got their laptop bag and maybe their gym bag, but girls always have that extra, brown Bath & Body Works shopping bag piled high with crap.  I’m baffled.

-I love the people that proudly wear their employee ID cards around their necks all day long and refuse to take it off.  Its OK buddy, we’re at lunch now, and that’s a terrible picture of you anyway.