-Does this happen to you?  You’re at a party, hanging out, drinking a few beers.  You sit down, put your half-full beer can on the table, and turn to talk to someone.  You look back a split-second later and notice that there are a thousand identical beer cans on the table and you have no idea which one is yours!  Then you start to pick each one up, because you think you know how heavy yours was, but they all feel the same and you can’t find yours.  Finally, you just give up and have to go fight your way to get another beer.   This always happens to me and it sucks!  

-So two weeks ago was Halloween and my frat had a big costume party at the house.  I noticed that a lot of girls come to costume parties dressed as whores for no reason.  They wear these little tiny skirts and high heels and all this make-up and look just like hookers.  But they always say they’re dressed as something else: “I’m a French maid, I’m an exotic dancer.”  No you’re not, you’re dressed like a whore for absolutely no reason other than it’s Halloween!  Who are you kidding?

-Do you have friends that leave their phone number on your answering machine every time?  I have this one good friend from high school who I speak to every week or so.  And every time the kid calls me and leaves a message on my machine, he leaves his number.  I have your number already, what the hell is wrong with you?

-Doesn’t it suck how you’re always bragging to your friends at other colleges how awesome your school is and how much you party and when they finally come and visit, it’s the worst weekend ever?  And you try to explain to them that it’s not usually like this, but they totally don’t believe you.