Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Comments
but then you'd never get laid, dustinyo. BUUUUUUUUURN!
Posted by: bigjerm
273 days ago
Well, that's not any different than it is now.
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
burns are less fun when the burnee is self deprecating
Posted by: bigjerm
273 days ago
Shit my bad. Let me rephrase that then. Fuck you dude! I get more ass than a toilet seat, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
It would be more awesome if it was actually true.
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
haha, that's more like it.
Posted by: bigjerm
273 days ago
yeah, yeah, have a good laugh. but this is a serious matter. the douchebag population in this country is out of control and nobody is doing anything to stop it. i blame you ladies.
Posted by: Joker328
273 days ago
Yep. As long as killing them is illegal, it's up to the female population to keep them from reproducing. Only you can stop this disease ladies!
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
Your problem is ladies aren't sleeping with douchebags. Sluts and imbeciles are.
Posted by: SmellieMel
273 days ago
hmmmm... you may be onto something. I may have to do some field research.
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
I think she just called me a slut & am imbecile. Bitch.
Posted by: snarkolepsy
272 days ago
Are you admitting to sleeping with douchebags?? For shame...
Posted by: dustinyo
272 days ago
no, i just felt like saying it. its sort of like eating when i'm hungry.
Posted by: snarkolepsy
272 days ago
Or sleeping when you're tired?? I do that too!
Posted by: dustinyo
272 days ago
If it fucks like a duck...
Posted by: SmellieMel
272 days ago
.. it's probably some awkward sex.
Posted by: snarkolepsy
272 days ago
douchebags are not a product of breeding, but a product of environment. if we really want to take them down, we need to get the source: mtv and ambercrombie.
Posted by: bigjerm
273 days ago
I think a study needs to done to find out once and for all if there is, in fact, a douchebag gene.
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
how would you find out? by beating up douchebags and asking them how they got the way they are? if so, i'm in. i'll require a lot of grant money, though.
Posted by: bigjerm
273 days ago
Yes, grant money and beating up douchebags. Sounds like the greatest gig ever.
Posted by: dustinyo
273 days ago
Now that would be a reality show I would watch.
Posted by: sbeaulac
271 days ago
I think the douchebag gene derives from the "tool" gene. I have always found them to be closely related.
Posted by: Jeffiner
272 days ago
But they are so sexy in their Ed Hardy shirts and Von Dutch hats...
Posted by: DanIsAGirlsNameToo
272 days ago
I don't know how you can manage to resist
Posted by: dustinyo
272 days ago
I try so hard but I can't help it if a popped collar makes me swoon
Posted by: DanIsAGirlsNameToo
272 days ago
If we didn't sleep with "douche bags", we would never end up heartbroken and alone and seek comfort with the "nice guy" who, lets face it, we will eventually end up sleeping with. Douche bags gets nice guys laid. Look at the big picture here.
Posted by: bensies919
271 days ago
I would rather douchebags just never reproduced and stopped existing. Then girls have no choice but to sleep with the nice guys!
Posted by: dustinyo
271 days ago
Waiting has turned many a nice guy into a douchebag.
Posted by: oscarisamazing
271 days ago
Or to join a band.
Posted by: troysbucket
268 days ago
-Recently a buddy told me that he “never gets hungover.” Of course, the only logical responses to that statement are that my friend is a liar, or he doesn’t drink enough. If he was telling the truth, though, I couldn’t help but be envious. Hangovers are the bane of my existence. There’s nothing worse than going out and having the time of your life, only to wake up the next morning/afternoon without being able to lift your head from the pillow or find your shoes. Hangovers are, in essence, party deterrents. The mere specter of them causes us to curb our boozing quicker than we would otherwise like. Yet we never stop imbibing completely. Because no matter how bad your hangover, it’s still much better than the alternative: sobriety.
-The office hangover is perhaps the most pernicious of all hangovers. You don’t even like sitting in your cubicle on a normal day, let alone one where you can’t stop sweating and the smell of the alcohol in your assistant’s Purell makes you nauseous. And think about how productive an employee you would be if you actually put as much effort into your job as you do scouting for inconspicuous places to vomit.
-After almost fifteen years of drinking, why do I still not make any preparations in anticipation of the morning after? I always wake up with no readily available water and an unopened Advil bottle buried deep in my medicine cabinet that’s both childproof and drunk-adult-proof. I guess I believe that if I don’t think about an impending hangover, it won’t actually happen. So far this has worked 0% of the time.
-The parental hangover – or being forced to suffer in silence while you spend time with your mom or dad – is particularly vicious. They know you’re hungover. They know that you know that they know you’re hungover. Yet they seem to take great pleasure in not bringing it up as they march you around running menial errands. My parents always like to throw in a little “Have fun last night?” comment. Seriously? I’d rather be at work.
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