Man. That shit used to wake me up all the time when I lived in apartments. I fantasized about running outside with an airhorn and just blasting it into the driver's ear. Before, you know, taking a baseball bat to their car and possibly killing their whole family. I really don't like being woken up.
Posted by: summoncookies
105 days ago
Funny, I had a similar desire to airhorn the assholes. It's seriously one of the tackiest things people do.
Posted by: tralynn29
105 days ago
pure absolute genius
Posted by: dannno
105 days ago
-It has been said that a true friend is someone who knows all your flaws – and is still your friend. In my experience, a true friend is someone who knows all your flaws – and seizes every single opportunity to make fun of you for them. In fact, my buddies often say that my penchant for making jokes at their expense is simply a ploy to disguise my own insecurities. God, how fucking dumb are my stupid friends?
-No matter what the context, if I ever mention a female in conversation, my buddy Chi will always stop me and ask, “Wait, was she hot?” I’m like, “So the girl sitting next to me on the bus today was – ” and Chi’s like, “Whoah, hold on. She cute?” And if I tell him she wasn’t, he gets a sad little look on his face and stops paying attention. I believe he has a mild form of ADD only triggered by the thought of unattractive women.
-My friend Shermdog continues to have the most impressive game I’ve ever seen. The only way I can describe it is that when I see him hit on girls, I’m so awed that I’m almost subconsciously afraid I might hook up with him. (Please note: I said almost.) One time I was out with Shermdog when these cute chicks sat down at the table next to us and ordered sushi. I made some lame-ass joke which they totally ignored. Then I went to the bathroom. By the time I came back, Shermdog was actually sitting at their table and feeding one of the girls a spicy tuna roll. He had them eating out of the palm of his hand. Literally.
-My buddy Jason lives with his girlfriend. I always feel so awkward and immature when I call their home number and have to leave a message. It usually goes something like this: “Hey Jason, it’s Karo… uh, and, um, hi to you too, Jocelyn. Hello to the both of you, um, together. Uh oh, am I calling too late? Oh man, I’m definitely calling too late. You guys are probably sleeping. Or having sex. Oh God I shouldn’t have said that. OK, uh, Jason, just give me a call back. Or Jocelyn you can call me back too, I guess. I mean, I was calling for Jason but, you know, I don’t want you to be insulted or anything. You know what? Maybe it’s best if we never speak again.”
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