-Last August, when I first drew the distinction between those twentysomethings who are already married or about to tie the knot (“the Haves”) and those who still think of weddings as really expensive open bars with cover bands (“the Have-Knots”), I was still a wedding novice.  A year later, though, with four weddings under my belt and eight more scheduled in the coming year, I’ve already become a grizzled vet.  Summer is, of course, wedding season.  And that means the Haves are busy taking ballroom dancing lessons to prepare for their first dance as husband and wife, while the Have-Knots just can’t wait to make fun of them.  Ah, marriage.  It can be a wonderful thing – when it’s not happening to you.

-Getting engaged seems really annoying to me.  I mean, how do you tell everyone the news?  Obviously close family and best friends get a personal call.  But what about everyone else?  I’ve actually gotten a few “I’m engaged!” text messages.  Which is fine – as long as you actually have the person in your phone book and don’t have to text back: “Congratulations!  Who is this?”

-On my refrigerator, I have Save the Date notices in all shapes and sizes for my next year’s worth of weddings.  My favorites are the ones that feature a picture of the happy couple because I like to imagine what the conversation was like that led them to include that photo on the card.  I usually envision the girl looking lovingly into her fiance’s eyes and saying, “Honey, we’re gonna take a picture in which I look beautiful and you look awkward, send it to everyone we know, and you have absolutely no say in the matter.”

-At a wedding, the bride and groom are like celebrities to me.  They’re the center of attention but they’re mostly surrounded by their best friends, like a little VIP section.  If you’re not a VIP, you actually have to observe and plan out when there’s an opening for you to go up and talk to them – as if you were looking for an autograph.  Then you chat for like two minutes but you know they won’t even remember it.  Let’s face it, the only difference between the groom and Justin Timberlake is that JT didn’t spend the summer taking lame-ass ballroom dancing lessons.