-During the first few weeks that a guy starts seeing a girl, or the first few weeks after a guy and girl break up, if you ask the guy if he thinks the girl is hooking up with anyone else, he’ll always say, “No.”  It may be completely incorrect, but in our minds, we cannot fathom the possibility that a girl has other romantic interests besides us.  A guy could be invited to his ex-girlfriend’s wedding, watch her exchange vows with her fiance, and turn to his buddy and say, “Dude, she’s totally still into me.”

-Nothing defines the difference between men and women more than our relationships with members of the same sex.  A woman moved in across from a girl friend of mine and my friend tells me, “Oh I hate my new neighbor, she’s so thin and cute.”  Can you imagine if a guy moved in next door to me, and my roommate Brian was like, “I totally hate our new neighbor,” and I was like, “I know, his hair is so perfect!”

-Girls carry umbrellas around all day long in their gigantic purses.  Guys refuse to leave the house with an umbrella no matter what the circumstances: “It looks like it’s about to rain.”  “Oh, it will clear up.”  “But the weather report says it’s going to thunderstorm.”  “Come on, they’re always wrong.”  “It’s pouring right now.”  “I’ll take my chances.”

-I was on my way to the drugstore the other day when Girlfriend called and asked me to pick up some feminine products and other shit for her.  As I warily made my way through the skin care aisle, I could not believe how many ointments and gels they make just so girls will look better than their next-door neighbor.  I actually saw something called de-ageifying lotion.  I don’t even think that’s a word!