-A few weeks ago, within a fifteen-minute period, I received phone calls informing me that not one but two of my ex-girlfriends had just gotten engaged. When I was in my twenties, I would have reacted to such news with shock, disbelief, and finally relief (that it wasn’t me getting hitched). These days, though, finding out that one (or two) of your exes is tying the knot is simply another pedestrian event in the thirtysomething experience. Those of us who’ve remained single pause for a moment to absorb the news, before quickly resuming our lives of dating, drinking, and debauchery unrestrained by the bonds of marriage. If we happen to run into our exes, we congratulate them, feign awe at the ring (even though we have no fucking clue what a diamond is supposed to look like), ask if they’ve decided on a date yet, then make an excuse to leave and scramble to catch two-for-one pitchers at the bar. We say, “I’m so happy for you,” but what we really mean is, “I’m having more fun than you.”

-Note to self: when a woman you don't know that well changes the last name on her email account, don't write, “Congrats on getting married!” She may have gotten divorced.

-Nothing is more confusing for a guy than when a girl he’s hitting on mentions her ex-boyfriend in conversation. Did you mean “ex-boyfriend” to imply that you’re single now, or that you have a new boyfriend? Please advise me so I know whether I can stop pretending to give a shit where you went to grad school.

-When my third book, “I’m Having More Fun Than You,” is published tomorrow, I hope it will illuminate the courage of single people who persevere even though most of their friends have succumbed to marriage. The title of the book is actually based on a t-shirt I received when I performed during Greek Week at UMass in 2005. Trying (perhaps misguidedly) to refute the anti-Greek sentiment on campus at the time, the shirt read: “We’re Having More Fun Than You.” I pitched that title to my editor at HarperCollins, explaining that it meant “We” (single people) are having more fun than “You” (people in relationships). She suggested that the “We” be changed to “I.” Hesitant, I said, “But won’t that make me sound a little obnoxious?” She replied, “That’s why it’s perfect.” Stupid t-shirt.