-It’s happened to every twentysomething. You’re sitting in your cubicle Googling or MySpacing or doing just about anything to avoid actually working. Your email alert chimes and you instantly check it, only to find that it’s a mass email from a friend of a friend in a dire situation. He’s desperately reaching out to everyone he knows to ask for help. His problem? He needs an apartment – and fast. You of course delete the email as quickly as possible because it only reminds you of your last apartment search: long, arduous, and resulting in you paying $100 more a month in rent than what you set as your “absolute maximum.” This past week I searched for and found a new apartment. The process was as miserable as I thought it would be, testing my mind, body, and wallet. When it was over, I was exhausted, stressed out, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. There’s no doubt in my mind that apartment hunting is hazardous to your rental health.

-Many apartments in Los Angeles don’t come with refrigerators – once you move in you have to buy one and install it yourself. You’re probably thinking, “What the fuck is the point of that?” I know that’s what you’re thinking because every time I was shown an apartment without a refrigerator I asked, “What the fuck is the point of that?” It’s like they just choose one appliance at random and decide not to give it you. Either that or there’s some unholy alliance between landlords and Maytag to try to drive up sales.

-I lived with my buddy Brian for three and a half years after graduation. Since then, I’ve resolved never to live with another human again, at least until I get married (and even that’s debatable). I just can’t stand having another human in my fucking personal space. Post-Brian, I moved in to a studio that was literally across the street from my girlfriend at the time. People asked why Girlfriend and I didn’t just move in together. Well, for me, the negatives outweighed the positives. The positives were that we’d both save money and get to spend a lot of time together. The negatives were that I’d have to kill her.

-Another drawback to living with your significant other is that the bedroom always skews girly. Triplet #3 lives with his fiancee and their apartment is modern and well-decorated. But once you cross the threshold into their bedroom, things get frilly and purple real quick. And I have a feeling it wasn’t Trip 3’s idea to buy 46 pillows for the bed, including a dozen of those cylindrical ones that serve no purpose at all.