Ruminations
I'm sure you had a nice trip to the zoo, but is posting an entire album on facebook with pictures of every animal you saw really necessary?
3 
It doesn't matter what kind I am eating or how many times I have already read it, I always read the cereal box when I'm eating cereal in the morning.
I hate when I go into work still slightly drunk and the hangover hits a few hours later. Thanks body for the lee-way but now it's too late to call in sick.
I don't know why I tell people to give me a call later. I really mean text me later, there is no way I am going to answer my phone if you call it.
Whenever I actually manage to change out of the clothes I wore out to the bars, I always change into the most ridiculous thing I own. I can only look into the mirror in the morning and think, "really?"
I sometimes wish that after a night of heavy drinking and doing embarrassing things, that my friends would have just locked me in the car and told me I had a good time.
Dear St. Patricks Day,
Thanks for falling on a weekday this year. That works out really great with my 9-5 job.
P.S. I don't even feel like wearing green now.
Why is it that I feel like an equal when my boss's feel comfortable enough tell a sexist joke around me.
When I would go to a house party in high school, I would go out and buy myself a whole new outfit. Now I usually just wear sweatpants and a t-shirt. Everyone will be too drunk to notice what I am wearing, I'll defiantly spill/throw up on myself and I will most likely pass out out on the dirty bathroom floor anyway.
I always con my other people to do things for me by telling them they are really good at it. "Hey Matt, will you go get a glass of ice water for me"..."but your so much better at it then me."
I hate when I have to repeat a story. I don't ever care to tell it a second time no matter how good it was the fist time I told it. The second time around it just comes out as "Yea, I this thing happened, so I had to do this other thing...and yea."
If there is nothing new on my facebook mini feed, I will refresh the page every 30 seconds and refuse to log out until someone has at least changed there status.
I am one of those people that if I need to complain, I will complain to everyone. I always feel like such douche though when I start to bitch about my problem and realize I have already told them this story once.
Even after four hours of chewing my gum, it has lost all of it's flavor, and my jaw is starting to hurt from chewing it, I can never bring myself to spit it out.
No matter how hard I try to get exactly $10 in my gas tank, it always will stop at $10.01.
I really liked the new Miley Cyrus song, until I figured out who it was that was singing it.
I will use any excuse to try and convince myself out of going to the gym. I went on a walk earlier that day, I'll go for longer tomorrow, I feel too fat to go today...
I will always hit accept to a facebook event invite, even when I know I won't go. I just want everyone else to know I was cool enough to be invited to it.
Nothing is more embarrassing when your checking out and your debit card gets denied. You always do the excuse, "I know I have money in there, I don't know whats wrong with it." In reality you just thought your rent check would be cashed later in the week.
It's kind of pathetic when girls need a movie to tell them that if he's not calling you, not answering your phone calls, is married to someone who is not you, or is dating someone else, he is just not that into you.
I don't like the option on facebook where you can take your relationship status off completely. Now I will stalk you more to try and decide if your in one or not.
If I haven't answered your text in a while that doesn't mean I didn't get it. I am ignoring you. Don't re-send it to me.
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