I realize i'm 23.. but I still poke my finger into the frosting of the cupcake I want, and lick the biggest cookie out of a batch to call dibs.
54
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When I die I want it to be while doing the nasty like in all the scary movies.
42
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If your attempts to come up to my apartment go as far as asking to use my computer to look up some directions, and I reply by saying "Oh I actually have my gps in my purse, whats the address?" Chances are you're not getting any from me. Ever.
71
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It's not that I can't fall asleep on the plane. It's the fact that I have a habit of moaning inappropriately while I'm sleeping that makes me paranoid to fall asleep.
89
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I'm so used to driving that on the rare occasion I am in the passenger seat I never know what to do with my hands. I always resort to the oh so awkward self-hand holding while trying to act nonchalant.
72
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I hate when I know who the voice over is in an animated movie. Now when I'm watching the movie I just picture Jonathan Taylor Thomas sitting in a studio, wearing pajamas, and roaring while I'm looking at Simba.
59
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Do strippers fill out W4 forms? Better yet, do hookers even pay taxes? Not like I'm looking for a career change or anything.
42
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I don't care if you do have OCD, wait until I turn around before you bust out the purell after shaking my hand.
49
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I still double knot my shoelaces out of fear ever since they came undone and got caught in my bike, causing me to flip over the handlebars on the playground when I was 9.
55
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When planning a trip with your girl friends make sure to invite someone a little less attractive, you always look better standing next to them in pictures.
72
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Every time I see someone use chapstick, even if it's on tv, my lips are magically dry 2 seconds later and I need to use my own.
47
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No matter what time I call it just happens to be when my mom just walked in the door and is "too tired to talk." Good thing I wasn't calling for you to talk, so shut up and listen to my story.
58
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There is nothing more awkward than walking down the street and a random dog going straight for your crotch. I know my shit don't stink, so get your pervert dog away from me. Thank you.
67
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As soon as you hit 21 restaurants should give you birthday drinks instead of a slice of cake. Screw the sparkly candle thing, I want liquor.
54
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If I'm wearing Syracuse sweatpants, a Syracuse hoodie, and hand you a Syracuse credit card, the first thing you say to me should not be "did you by chance go to Syracuse?" No jackass.. I'm just a huge fan of their football team.
82
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When I tell you I was born in November, please don't do the math in your head and then with a creepy smirk say "so you're a Valentine's baby?" Now i'm just picturing my parents doing it, and thats not fun for anyone.
97
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Guys, if you attempt to hit on a girl at a bar and she starts to text, she is in fact texting shit about you to her friends sitting near her.
43
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I wish you could bookmark people on facebook like you can applications. It would make my stalking time much more efficient.
37
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How could Obama not win with 2 of the greatest forces in America behind his campaign.. Chris Hughes, co-founder of Facebook, and Oprah.
65
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Why are juice boxes always one sip away from satisfying?
43
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It's obvious that people who ruminate do a lot of their research on Facebook...
48
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I could leave all the doors and windows of my apartment unlocked and feel completely safe. But a closed shower curtain? sheer panic.
45
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I don't care how old you are, never back down from a double dog dare.
51
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I'm the worst person to watch scary movies with. Instead of getting scared I just get so pissed off at how unbelievably stupid the people are in them. If you go into the ominous, smelly room to "get a better look," you most certainly deserve to die.