Have you ever met someone who's allergic to alcohol? I have, numerous times, and when I ask if their throat closes up from it they say 'no i just throw up a lot and get migraines and stuff'. Hate to break it to ya pal, but if you're not going into anaphylactic shock then you're just a pussy.

I went back to a college party for the first time since graduating a year and a half ago. Musty basements with a cheap strobe light, sticky floors and a piece of plywood to flip cups on? Really? That happened? And it was fun?

When applying for jobs, I couldn't believe no one would call me back. Hard to believe that many people would be applying for the same position.. then I came to Ruminations.com and realized everyone fucking hates their present job and are probably handing out resumes like they're flyering for a college house party. Back off you witty bastards!

Am I the only who feels judged when buying toilet paper? Everyone buys it, but for some reason... I always feel dirty.

Unless I'm at a spa, I never want to hear someone say the word "Relax". When I'm pissed off that I got kicked out of a bar, don't tell me to "Relaaax" cause I'll end up backhanding your face. Then when I AM perfectly calm, telling me to "relaaax" ruins my mood. Thank you d-bag, those two syllables really balanced my fucking Ch'i.

I hate it when you go to open the door somewhere and someone else walks through before you can...THEN icing on the cake, they say "Thank you!". I feel bad being pissed when there's a Thank you involved, but FUCK YOU I WAS OPENING IT FOR MYSELF!

Perhaps it's because I'm as single as a Kraft cheese slice... but why is it that the question "Are you married?" has become more offensive then something like "Got Herpes?" or "Gain a couple pounds?"...No, but THANK YOU for not asking if I'm hitched.

I just now realized that 98% of the time when someone is talking to me and says 'I told you about that right?' I always say 'yeah, yeah'. There IS a possibility I could be missing out on a great story but chances are I won't give a shit.

To all of the men who shave their facial hair an inch above their jaw line: It doesn't make you look thinner. It makes you look like a douchebag who can't shave.

I love that this site mainly consists of 20-something-year olds bored to death at their entry-level jobs...because the day teenagers discover this, just like they day they ruined facebook, I'm outta here...as soon as I'm finished ruminating about it.

Am I the only person who is so cheap that after getting beyond shitfaced, while I am getting sick in the bathroom, gets pissed off at myself? Not because my night is shot or because I feel disgusting but because I am literally flushing a $30 dinner and $45 worth of drinks down the toliet. If only I had eaten less I woulda saved money on food AND gotten drunk faster!

Message to all guys: We're women, not morons. A text asking "Whaht ar yoitu up 2?" sent at 3:12 AM does not mean you want to come over a roast marshmallows and watch "the notebook". Just ask it "Can I get some?" - We'll have more respect for your attempt.

Funny: Watching ugly people check themselves out with self consumed approval in the one-way reflective window 2 feet from your desk.

So maybe the guys could help us girls out with this: Why is it that everytime we are walking down the road, even at noon on a Tues when we're NOT dressed like hookers, we get at LEAST one catcall from a car? First off, I could be a butterface. Are you THAT desperate to feel masculine that you solicited a 6'4 sasquatch missing 3 teeth cause she has breasts? Or even if I AM attractive would I really chase you down and say "Aww! That's the sweetest thing a guy's ever said to me, now open up the door of your busted up '91 chevy so I can blow you"?

Why is it that anytime you're out of state the 'where are you from' question becomes a moment of vicarious embarrassment? I'm introduced to a new person, I answer quite simply, "New York". Done and over with? No. For some unknown reason, every SINGLE person decides they need to try and make a shitty attempt at mocking an accent I don't even posess. "Forghetahboutit! I'm from New Yawk! Oh my gawd, How yous doin'?!" I'm sorry? Was that an impression of Danny DeVito on a strong dose of Novocaine? Great job asshole. Come visit, you'll fit right in.