Ruminations
I consider it a victory every time I open the cabinet where I keep the pots and pans, grab what I need and shut the door, thus postponing the inevitable avalanche of T-Fal another day...
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Wouldn't it make more sense for surgeons to do their intense hand-scrubbing while wearing the gloves?
Well yes, it's 1:30 on a Thursday, and yes, I'm seeing Up, but dammit, why are there so many kids in this theater, all poised and ready to ruin my movie-going experience!?
Is it even possible to wash your hair while taking a bath? I'm not convinced...
Pandora needs more options than just like and dislike. I'll click "I like this" on 3 or 4 songs and then one I really love will hit and I just want to scream, "Wait! I was just kidding before, but this time I mean it! I like this!"
I think it's completely ridiculous that people my parents' age are not only joining Facebook, but the women are listing their maiden names--lady, you've been married for the last 35 years, I think everyone's gotten the memo about the name change at this point...
I have no idea why you're supposed to pull off your address label before giving someone else the magazine, but I always do because I'm truly terrified of whatever it is that could happen. It doesn't matter that I have no idea what that thing that could happen is...
I'm pretty sure Jason "The Bachelor" Mesnick just became the most hated man in America. Good news for you guys who don't call a girl back after taking her home from the bar--you just became much less of an asshole by comparison!
I wish that a glass of middle-of-the-night water would taste as delicious and refreshing as during-the-day water. I don't think that's asking too much...
It's official--everyone on earth HATES moving. You now can stop declaring it for the six months prior to and three months following your move...
Damn you, surprise stuffy nose in the middle of the night, for screwing up my breathing all night and causing me to wake up with chalk-mouth...
The squeal my ironing board makes when I push the legs down to stand it up definitely rivals fingernails on a chalkboard as the worst sound of all time...
Have you ever seen anyone on a dangly-feet roller coaster not swinging their feet around until the ride starts? I haven't...
As much as kids hate going back to school after Christmas break, their teachers hate it ten times more...
I wish that the old people of the world would understand that white cotton socks are only meant to be worn with sneakers...
I don't think I'm a bad driver--until I take my dog with me in the car. The poor thing looks like he's slalom skiing in the front seat, throwing his body weight all over the place to stay balanced.
I always feel a huge sense of satisfaction when I can shave minutes off the arrival time my GPS predicts.
Do reality stars just have their jobs waiting for them when they get back from finding love, surviving on an island, proving they've got talent or amazingly racing? Because I would feign interest in any of those things to get 2-3 months off of work...
Why anyone would think that putting fuzzy antlers and a red nose on their vehicle would make it resemble a reindeer and/or be an awesome thing to do is beyond me...
I am truly disgusted with myself for loving "Womanizer" as much as I do...
I always get such a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I put a handful of change into the Salvation Army bucket, because I'm still doing a good deed even though I made sure to weed out all the quarters before I got out of my car...
All the people who promise me "Once you get into a routine of exercising, your body will crave it and you'll never want to skip a workout again!" are wrong.
One of the most awkward things in the world is the moment when the stylist finishes your new haircut and turns you to the mirror. You're pretty sure you hate it, but she's expecting your thrilled reaction. You attempt an enthusiastic "Yeah, that looks good!", but you both know you don't really mean it...
When I wash my face in the sink, I can never do it as well as they do in tv commercials--instead, the water ends up all over the counter, dribbling down to my elbows and splashing into my ears. Might as well have just taken the shower...
