Why is it that the very first thing i have to do in a hotel room is check out their porn selection?
15
gourmet points
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Why is it that you can spend months without talking to someone but the second that you hang out with them you immediately need to know who is texting them.
11
gourmet points
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If your boss uses the line "because you're so good at it" as a way to make you do extra work, hitting the bitch with whatever is in your hand should be an acceptable response.
4
gourmet points
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My birthday should really shift about a month ahead since every year I need that time to adjust to it.
29
gourmet points
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If you call me and I call you back, don't answer like you have no idea why I'm calling you.
19
gourmet points
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Seriously, you need a step ladder to get into that truck. I think you've proved to everyone how manly you are.
16
gourmet points
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Until they invent an automatic folder to go along with the washer and dryer, there will be two piles of clothes on my floor. The clean pile and and dirty pile. And yes, sometimes its easy to forget which is which.
103
gourmet points
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Everyone has at least one place that they can't walk past without smiling - cause you know that only you and one other know what truly happened in there.