Ruminations
"Test one two. Hello, hello." These are the only acceptable words for a mic check, apparently.
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Okay Amazon, if your Kindle is so damned popular, why haven't I seen a single one in reality?
I don't think the designers of the new environmentally friendly SunChips bag knew what 'noise pollution' is.
There is not much worse than watching an awkward video, especially if you're alone.
I went to a Mexican restaurant with my friend and his mother a few weeks ago. Apparently, eating tacos from the top down is incorrect. I've been eating tacos wrong my entire life.
I'm getting an apartment off campus with a couple of friends next year. One of them asks, "Do you want to put a lock on your bedroom door?" He knows me too well.
Shouldn't the newspaper 'USA Today' be called 'USA Yesterday'?
One of the most underrated life skills is the ability to smile and nod your head agreeably while someone rambles for 10 minutes.
The ten video or photo editing programs that come with a new camera are absolutely worthless.
Damn you, taskbar, for flashing something orange at me. I can't do anything else until I click you.
When I'm with a group of friends in a loud place and say one of their names to get their attention, and fail, why is it that whispering works 100 percent of the time?
When I see someone's e-mail inbox that is full, outdated, and unorganized, I fly into a silent rage.
When I tell someone I'm from Seattle, I hate when they ask what part. I was trying to make it easier for both of us, but now I have to explain where my actual hometown is about an hour away.
Nothing worries me more than a shaky ceiling fan.
What is with new packs of CDs smelling like they came directly from a toxic waste dump?
I never thought the day would come when the 'Worldwide Leader in News' uses statements of 140 characters or less as a reliable source.
With how often I study people on the street from a distance or out of the corner of my eye, I wonder how many creeps have done the same to me.
I hate when I'm accused of something I didn't do, because I still smile and blush like I'm a terrible liar. I guess I'm a terrible truth teller too. What the hell is wrong with me?
I hate when people ask what my 'favorites' are, because I don't really think about them. I got my color down, but number, food, and music? I'll just make something up that sounds good.
I can tell how good the movie I'm about to watch is by seeing how much effort was put into the DVD menu.
Sleeping would be a lot easier without arms.
You know you're an adult when you have to actually buy your own gifts for people.
I'm so used to hearing trucks' back up alarms I'm pretty sure I would be oblivious if I was about to get run over.
I wonder if douchebags will be a demographic in the 2010 census.
The worse thing about staying overnight at another place is figuring out how the shower works.
When driving one of my parents' cars, I always tune the radio to something more appropriate before turning in the driveway.
As a society, we need to eliminate the question 'do you mind?'. Most of the time I answer yes and look like an asshole.
A fly just landed and my desk made eye contact with me. He proceeded to walk around. I let him live about 10 seconds longer because that was more tolerable than buzzing around my head.
If I wanted to hear how your date went, I would have asked. Now let me play my video games.
You would think alarm clocks would automatically stop ringing after five minutes, not three hours. Thanks for setting yours at 6 in the afternoon, vacant neighbor.
Why do some stairwell doors have locks? That's just a disaster waiting to happen. I doubt anyone will say, "the stairs are broken, take the elevator".
I always have the intention of signing my receipts very neatly, but when I sense the cashier glaring at me, I scribble something that looks it came from a five year old.
When your phone goes off in class and we look at you like it's honest mistake, we actually think you're a dumbass for not silencing it. But you did serve as a an excuse for all of us to double check our own phones.
The amount of socks I have lost while doing my laundry is disconcerting. I think the dryer eats them.
The transition from cooties to STDs is quite terrifying.
I intend to shave every other morning...but it only happens at random intervals when I feel like a slob.
If a company advertises one of its products as "the newest craze" you can pretty much guarantee it is just the opposite.
I have noticed that whenever I get cocky and use a new word in an essay I always crumble and double check the definition.
Going back over my college application essays, I wonder how the hell I would have got into this school were it not for the automatic 3.5+ GPA admission.
If you get to class early and sit on the outside, don't be surprised when I come squeezing by and stepping on your feet to get to an open seat in the middle.
Do girls not realize how hot it is when their jeans have holes in them?
I am always surprised when one of my pens runs out of ink. How did I not lose it before that happened?
When is California not in a state of emergency?
When asked where we are supposed to get Photoshop, my architecture TA responded: "Just torrent it". Awesome.
I just got Netflix setup on Xbox 360 at college. I think Netflix is updating its online selection in order of worst movies to decent.
Hearing about the American Samoa tsunami, I remembered the US also has Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. But did you know we also own like 12 other tiny, uninhabited islands? How come I never learned this in school? I feel so ignorant.
I love receiving unprompted texts. It means someone is thinking of me!
College is different than high school; for most of my classes I don't have enough stuff to justify carrying a backpack around. But I do it anyway so I look normal.
Why is it when I am in line and people are passing through, they always walk in front of me and no one else? Am I the only one not standing awkwardly close to the person in front of me?
There is nothing more satisfying than being able to truthfully enter your date of birth on those sites that require you to be 18 to watch a video. But if it's a site I will visit only once, you can always guarantee I was born January 1st, 1972.
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