Ruminations
I don't do "water cooler stands" or shot-gun the diet cokes from the vending machines, there is absolutely no need for you to flex when you pick up your lunch tray.
0 
My girlfriend was making some popcorn earlier and was looking at the box, which with bold letters read "0mg cholesterol!". She looks at me and in all seriousness asks "Why would the put "Oh my God cholesterol" on the package, isn't cholesterol a bad thing?". It's time to lay off facebook and the iChat hun...
I wonder if in the future people will live with robots like in i,Robot, and if so, can I have a girlfriend robot that comes with "Ctrl + Alt + Del", "Clear History", and most importantly the "Sleep" buttons?
Have you ever been in the middle of opening a pack of crackers as your boss comes in to ask you something. You had no idea what they said because of the noise you were making so you just said "Yeah". Yeah, I just agreed to cover for a colleague and stay at work for extra 3 hours. Shit...
Screw you ShamWow, Bounty says I can rinse and repeat too.
"This is Hyundai's biggest sale of the year". Man, I bet people who bought one at your "biggest sale of the year" 2 weeks ago are pissed!
Hunny, you just spent an hour in front of the mirror doing your makeup. You then walked from your room to the car and sat in the passenger seat for 15 minutes. What could have possibly happened to you during that time that made you want to "touch-up" before we stepped out?
I understand you're in the Holiday mood and all, but there is no need to let all of the 9 people turn in front of you. You're being nice, but you're also causing a damn traffic jam behind you!
There is no better feeling during the morning commute than realizing that the air coming out of the AC vent is starting to become warmer and warmer, slowly defrosting your hands.
I understand perfectly well that it is 11 P.M on a Sunday and that I have to wake up early to go to work tomorrow, but I am still not going to bed for another 3 hours, constantly convincing myself that the thought "I will feel like shit tomorrow" underweights the thought of "If I do not check my e-mail one more time I will miss something that absolutely can not wait until the morning".
Why can't banks stay open on Sunday? Oh my, thanks Wachovia, I can't wait to wake up at 8 A.M to join you during your "Convenient Saturday Hours".
Why is it that whenever someone buys a camera that is worth over $250 they are all of a sudden a damn Steven Speilberg of photography? "Okay, now go stand over here, the lighting is better, okay now look a little to the left and wait for me to get to the other side of you, the angle is better. Okay, lets do another one..." Dude, I think the pictures will turn out better if you take the cover off of the lens.
I think Jingle Bells has more remixes than the "Umbrella - ella - ella" song.
"Here you go sir, the bottom yellow copy is yours." Umm, how 'bout I get that nice, legible white one on the top that you have been holding on to for all these years and you can have the shitty practically see-through yellow one?
"Please enable your pop-ups as this website utilizes the latest technology to bring you the content." Really? Your websites latest technology is a pop-up window? Have you guys not updated it in the past 9 years?
I wonder if the Iraqi journalist is pissed that "Muntadhar al-Zeidi the shoe-thrower" did not become as popular as "Joe the plumber".
I am sure that the person who invented the camera phone had good intentions of people taking family vacation photos and pictures of their kids, but personally I have never used it for anything except taking incriminating drinking pictures.
A Christmas song as a ringtone for your cell phone? Really? Because Christmas music at the office, in the mall, in your house and in your car, on the radio and on the TV wasn't sufficient?
I thought the mall was a miserable place during the Holidays, that's until I went to the post office! Apparently the people in front of me keep in touch with a lot more family members than I do, how else would you justify mailing out 9 packages?
When wrapping presents I will use twice as much tape as I do paper.
The most depressing part of any workday has to be when you see that your computer froze and then realize that the last time you have saved the document you have been working on was about 4 and a half hours ago.
I know we are in the season and all, but is anyone else getting kind of tired of every other commercial being spoken in rhymes?
I love technology, except when I am really tired, drag myself upstairs, and realize that I do not have enough electric outlets to plug in my latest gadget. This forces me to play "appliance survivor". Lets see, alarm clock has to stay, cell phone has to stay, laptop has to stay, iPod has to stay, sorry table lamp, looks like you have just been voted off of the surge protector.
I wonder how many years will it take until it is acceptable to serenade to a girl while playing the guitar from guitar hero?
Why do people who sit next to me turn my way, sneeze all over my table and look at me and say "sorry, I am so sick." Well damn, why don't you take that somewhere else? I don't bend your way, let one rip and then go "sorry, my stomach is bothering me." What the hell?
I think Wendy's just unofficially came up with a Ruminations slogan in their commercial: "Everyone's got a little gourmet in them."
I saw the preview for Valkyrie the other night, and every scene had at least 20 Nazi flags. I just wish I was there when they had to order those things. "Hello, is this the print shop, yeah, hey, I would like to order 5,000 red flags with a swastika in the middle for this project we are doing, do you guys do mass order discounts?
Why can't I make a straight column of numbers on a blank sheet? All you have to do is put one number directly under the other, but mine end up swaying like a drunk on a dance floor.
I don't care if you are a 90 year old lady or a baby in a stroller, if you are walking out of a store and set off the alarm I can't help but think that you are stealing something.
If you're going to drive my car I am okay with you adjusting the mirrors. I will also grind my teeth, but let you change the way the seat is and the radio stations, but if I get back into my car and find that you have moved my AC vents I am running your ass over.
I just got an e-mail from the Chancellor telling all college students that in order to balance the budget in Georgia they will need to "temporarily" increase our tuition by $100. How broke must my state be that they are asking college kids for money now?
It would be cool if the Honda dealerships "Everything must go!" sale included things besides the 5 burgundy stick shift Accords or the 3 purple Civics.
If there is one thing that I have learned in college, it would be that you never, ever, take anything out of a fridge of a college student without first asking "How long has that been in there?"
Your kid isn't doing good in school because he has ADD? Really? Because I just saw his little ass play Madden for like 7 hours straight, maybe the boy just isn't as bright as you make him sound during family reunions.
I don't think you are allowed to tell people that you "went to college" if after 8 weeks of "enrollment" you got your diploma e-mailed to you as a PDF attachment...
I don't know why, but something just doesn't sound right when a girl tells me that she is going to "dye her hair back to her natural color."
Damn I hate it when I come outside and it's freezing, but people still look at me and go "Hey man, you're from Europe / up North, you should be used to this weather!" Yeah, but I didn't walk around in a long sleeve T-shirt in the middle of a blizzard.
I hope Lil' Wayne realized that the background CD was skipping when he was making his song: "A milli, A milli, A milli". Do you think they listened to it afterwards and someone went "You think we should re-do that?" - "Nah, just let it be, maybe no-one will notice."
There is an article out about how Trump Entertainment is going to miss this months payment to conserve finances and re-negotiate with lenders. Shit, if Donald Trump can't pay his bills, why do I even bother?
In my life I have never eaten a yogurt without licking the top after opening it.
I enjoy a drink while flying too, but I was on a 6:30 A.M flight on Thanksgiving and the guy sitting across the aisle ordered 3 orange juice and vodkas during the hour and a half flight. Damn man, I try not to drink before noon, your ass is getting hammered before the sun comes up.
Saw V, really? Why not go ahead and make it a TV show?
I wish they made electronic appliances that don't burst into a high-pitch beeping noise after they perform a function. I don't need 10 beeps to realize that my hot-pocket is ready.
I already hate looking at your family pictures from Thanksgiving, so please, ease the pain by not informing me of who each person in the picture is, and how they are related to you. "Oh, this is my second cousin Vicki... or wait, no that's Vicki, this is Angela." Really? Cause' I forgot to give a shit.
I had CNN on the other night and some political discussion was on, and all I heard was "Right-wing" this, "Left-wing" that, all I want to know is, where the hell is the pilot?
I just got back from my first trip ever to NYC. Absolutely amazing city with a driving habit that needs to be implemented in the South. Instead of stopping in the middle of the road and waiting for someone to let you into a lane people in New York just honk their horns as they cut you off. Just a little warning honk and a swift turn of the wheel will get you into any lane and moving on with your trip... and people wonder why traffic in Atlanta sucks.
I hate arguing with my girlfriend over text messaging simply because she can text about 3 times as fast as I can, so as soon as I am finished typing a good response I already have 4 new texts to deal with. Damn.
Nothing will make you feel more of a looser than trying to explain to a 12 year old what "Pong" is and why you played it for hours a day.
I think I eat more often while driving than while being home. Yay for multitasking!
I have yet to see a PT Cruiser without some sort of advertising on it.
Touch phones are great, except for the times when you pull it out of your pocket and realize you have called like a dozen people by accident. I always look at the times called and try to figure out if I have said something incriminating during that interval.
I love this time of the year! Not because I get to spend time with loved ones or get a few days off, but because I can now go and buy Halloween candy at like 95% off.
What the hell Polo? 3 hanging tags, 2 stapled tags and 2 stickers but I still can't find anything that mentions the price.
If I told you that I will give you $15 to wake up at 2 A.M and go sit outside in freezing cold weather for 4 hours you would tell me the go to hell. So how come Macy's can tell people they can save 15% during the "morning bird" special on black friday and all of the sudden the mall parking lot looks like a campground?
If it takes you more than 2 tries to park your car, consider carpooling.
Nature Made, just go ahead and split your vitamin into 2 pills. I don't think I can swallow your 3" diameter horse-sized pills anymore.
Nothing is going to make me drop a class faster than a professor who after each finished problem looks at the board and goes "Is that right?" Shit, your asking me? When I was signing up for this course I was kind of hoping that one of us would know the answers...