Ruminations
I think the greatest gift of all is not getting me shit so I don't have to feel guilty and go spend my valuable time and money on getting anything for you.
4 
Nothing makes me feel more like Mother Teresa than being around New Yorkers.
Whoever can pack just enough clothes for a trip is my hero. I always either overpack and take my whole closet to stay overnight or underpack and end up washing my undies in the sink.
If after a red light I'm in first place leading the pack of cars it instantly becomes a race which I already happen to be winning.
Thinking I fooled everyone about how really drunk I was is great...until I wake up hungover in my friends bathtub.
Some like to start their day off with a coffee, I start my day off with a beer. Gotta get those calories in early!
Every great date instantly turns bad as soon as I get home and start over analyzing the shit out of the whole night.
The right of way should be given to the biggest car and if not given then taken by the biggest car. My truck can squish your smartcar in a second, do you really want to act all tough with your chihuahua of a car?
The greatest feelings for feet has to be right after you take off your socks and they're finally free. You can almost hear them breathe a sigh of relief, but only if you listen closely.
How come I can buy beer all day long but it's not socially acceptable to be drunk at 3pm? But it's perfectly fine to be wasted at 3am...when they've already stopped selling beer.
People need to give me a clue of what response they want when they say "my family is coming to town" umm yay? bummer? Help me out here! Dude, I don't know if you dislike your siblings like any normal person or you're one of those happy people...
You're 25 years old, why are you wearing matching outfits with your girlfriend? Time to hand in your balls.
I just called to order pizza & the guy recognized my voice and already knew my name and order. I need to start cooking my own fo...hahaha yeah, right.
I only seem to fall deeply in love when I'm drunk.
There needs to be a you-lost-the-argument-tens-mins-ago-so-why-the-hell-are-you-still-talking button that pops up from peoples forehead so I can just punch it and shut them up.
I know I've reached a new level of brokeness since now I'm cheking my account balance every two seconds to see if I got paid yet instead of my email or facebook.
There is nothing worse than laughing mid-yawn, that shit damn near dislocates your face.
Are you really a "best" friend if you tell your friend that she looks gorgeous is that picture where we all agree she looks like chewbacca? No, you just want to hang with someone uglier than you so you seem prettier. Nicely done.
Yes I'm off, no I'm not going out, yes I'm busy! Doing what you ask? Well those 9 hours worth of shows on my DVR are certainly not going to watch themselves.
Is there anything more uncomfortable than being on the phone with someone and having to clear your throat but you don't want to do that awful noise so you just kinda do it little by little therefore not succeeding and just making it awkward.
It's so nerve wracking and awkward when you start talking to your new co-worker about how much you drink but it's worth the satisfaction of creating that bond after you've both established you're borderline alcoholics.
I wish I could still use "finders keepers". Car in the middle of a parking lot? FINDERS KEEPERS!! "But it's my car!"...finders keepers, losers weepers dude.
Winging it is a very legitimate strategy and most times my only.
You know you have not done laundry in a long time when you keep finding clothes you don't even remember, but it's like going shopping 'cause now I have all these "new" clothes!
"Suicide" running exercises make me want to do just that.
Today more than three hundred people went by and not one of them was smoking! uh, this is America. What's next? McDonald's is closing down? No more binge drinking? Are we going to be...Healthy?!?!
You're gay? cool, that's not going to stop me from checking you out.
I'm not really saving money if I buy the $5.00 box at KFC. Yeah a meal for five bucks sounds good, but the fact that the meal is basically a teaser of what you really could've gotten making me go back and actually get the combo? I'm onto you KFC..
So I guess the whole 30 minute thing on the whitening strips is not them wanting me to buy more, is them not wanting my teeth to fall out. I learned this the hard way since now my teeth hurt like a bitch. Greeeeeat, Hey at least they're white..ish!
My whitening strips say leave on for 30 mins, which means I will leave them on for an hour so I achieve results in 5 days instead of 10.
I can't be the only one feeling completely badass when I find scratches or bruises that I didn't even feel but look like they must have hurt.
Oh no, kitty is okay, really. I don't really need to use the keyboard...you can just go ahead and lay on top of it, and you want to use the mouse as your pillow? Yeah that's fine go ahead. I will just umm stare at the monitor for a while...
When someone is trying to pass me and I keep them from doing so I will always feel like I ruined all their purpose in life, and I'm amazing. Now lets see just how slow I can go until you rear-end me or have a heart attack...
Is there anything more frustrating than getting really pissed then bursting out and yelling something completely incoherent? Dear brain, you're supposed to be working with me, not against me.
I can't be the only one that misses how legit "no takesies backsies" was.
Why do I straighten up in my seat when I see a cop? Is not like he can give me a ticket for slouching.
There's nothing worse than going out with someone and have them tell you "allright well get ready and we'll go", umm I am ready...but now I have to go change since you already made me feel like I look completely under dressed. Jerk.
Being hungover & sick from eating too much candy at the same time just made me realize that I should either stop eating candy or stop drinking alcohol, knowing I should does not mean I will though.
If I was too drunk to remember what happened, it didn't happen.
It's really hard to stay online and ignore you if you insist on staying offline.
If I try to do crunches but my abs are too sore from yesterday then I get pissed I can't do abs today, but if I did crunches yesterday and can do them perfectly fine today too then I still get pissed I didn't work out as hard as I thought.
If I'm sweaty, red, and about to pass out then I'm obviously coming back from the gym so please do not stop and ask how everything's going, a casual nod is more than okay. Actually don't even nod just let me and my misery get home and shower.
Well hello there freezer burn, so you think being there will keep me from eating my waffles? think again, freezer burn, think again.
If you tell me you're "a horrible liar", I'm going to assume you're the biggest liar in the world.
Kathyyy is a fan of...
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Karo
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dustinyo
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Fans of Kathyyy
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Jeffiner
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Salutations -
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