Username:
CaptSi
Profile Link: http://www.ruminations.com/CaptSi
Gender: Dude
Location: Gulf of Mexico
Hometown: 850, Florida
College: W. Florida
URL 1: Facebook
Profile Link: http://www.ruminations.com/CaptSi
Gender: Dude
Location: Gulf of Mexico
Hometown: 850, Florida
College: W. Florida
URL 1: Facebook
About Me: Regardless of your sexual preferences, you've got to admit, if you've never been inside a vagina, well you've just never lived!
I don't know what I'm actually doing, or even how I do it, but when I'm drinking something, and mid-swallow start coughing or sneezing, that redirecting switch I pull to keep from spewing my drink out my nose makes me feel like a million bucks.
2 
When in Victoria's Secret, guys must walk a fine line between pervert and pro-active boyfriend.
I could be the last person on earth, and I'm still looking both ways before crossing the street.
It's funny how someone can actually only be slightly annoying, but the fact that everyone else thinks they are "The Shit" automatically makes that person unbearably annoying.
I'm pretty sure there isn't any legal reason to own bolt cutters.
Typically it takes me a few days to "pull my house together." Ya know, make it look very clean and smell good... but when the landlord calls and says he's stopping by for some reason that shit takes less than 15 minutes.
I find it funny that when the rich drink and do drugs it's called partying, but when the poor do it, it's called an addiction, yet on the other hand when the poor have a lot of sex it's called partying and when the rich do it? Addiction.
There should be an official word to describe that rush of emotion and confusion when you type your password and are rejected, only to type the exact same thing again in disbelief and successfully log in.
Everyone instantly gets that self important look on their face when directing or signalling traffic with their hands.
Nothing flat out says you're not funny like someone monotonely saying "You're funny."
A little warning please, Google. That apple scared the shit out of me.
The correct terminology for more than one reef should be reeves... it just sounds right. Well, more importantly reefs sounds dumb.
Every woman I've ever known seemed more than eager to share information with me that I already knew.
I have never taught myself to shake well before opening, but I have taught myself to not try to shake well after opening.
Ruby Tuesday's now sells lobster ravioli. What's next, the filet minion corn dog?
As we go through life we suffer the minor shame of having to loosen our belt from time to time, but a new hat size? That’s a new all time low.
A laptop without internet can be replaced by an ipod and a deck of cards.
Is it just me, or is "goofy" the only word that describes a girl on a bicycle?
Asking “What happened last night?” is pretty much volunteering yourself to take the blame for anything that is missing or damaged.
I'm slightly disconcerted when getting an X-ray at the Dr. office. Am I really to feel at ease when I have to wear a paper smock and stand in front of a gamma ray cannon, whilst the Tech wears a lead-lined apron and hides in a fallout shelter?
Carrying a flask is like having a VIP Card to a bunch of clandestin, laid back bars with cheap drinks. "$1.09 for a McRum and coke? Yeah, I'll have that, thank you!"
"You ate them ALL?" is an extremely rude and embarrassing question... especially when I did.
If vibrate vibrates more loudly than my ringtones then what's the point?
Bill pay online, or over the phone, or automatic withdraw. All perfectly simple and convenient ways to pay the bills and I still procrastinate this every month. I'm pretty sure if we still paid via snailmail I'd just say fuck it and be a hobo.
I am very self-conscious about my grooming habits when “crashing at a friend’s house for a few days.” Because when I meet his friends they are going to instantly think one of two things: World traveler or meth head.
I hate listening to music with headphones. I'm paranoid someone will try to speak to me and I'll just ignore them... Everytime someone even looks at me I turn off the music and remove them and dumbly say "What?" It totally ruins the experience.
In 7 yrs. at sea I've been bitten by sharks, been in several fist fights, almost a half dozen hurricanes, been without food or water for days at a time, but today the guy with all the dvds left, I ran out of cigarettes and lost my phone. I wanna go home.
The first thing I do when I move into a new place is figure out how to break in. Best to know in advance for when I lock myself out.
Santa Clause's job just got a lot easier thanks to Twitter.
How is it that we can put a man on the moon, but still haven't invented a band-aid that can be painlessly removed? Get on that NASA.
When you're poor grocery day is like Christmas...and all the presents are wrapped in paper or plastic.
Whenever I parallel park poorly with people watching I like to pile out of the car and walk off non-chalantly with slight stagger with hopes anyone who might have started to judge me might say "Well damn, that wasn't half bad for being drunk."
In the same way a geologist uses stratigraphy to gather information about weather and climate in a specific area, one could go through my dirty clothes hamper and find evidence of every cold snap, rain storm and unseasonably warm day since last summer.
It's impossible to fire someone and not feel like a dick...as well as a awesomely badass. "See ya, Bitch! But, no really I hope you can find a way to buy shoes for your daughters..."
There is never any reason for two dudes to ride on a jetski together. End of story. Period.
I don't care what day it is, you're a fucking liar.
If you don’t have a dollar for your morning cup of coffee, the day probably wasn’t worth getting up for anyways.
If your job is to make me hate mine, then yeah, I guess you are "just doing your job." Very well, I might add.
Listen ladies, I’m no interior designer, but are all those throw pillows really necessary? Or even useful… I could understand if we were having a big sleep over or something…but c’mon…
Having debt turns payday into "Oh shit, I'm still working for free day."
Nothing leaves me feeling more vulnerable than a bad or unfinished haircut.
I believe that my twenty-somethings' license should be revoked: I have just realized that due to events far beyond my control I have literally never imbibed an alcoholic beverage on St. Patrick's Day. I'm sure this also calls for my Man Card to be revoked and my V-Card re-instated.
I know how to say "Good bye" in several different languages thanks to O'Malley the Alley Cat...
The new day starts when I wake up and ends when I go to sleep... it has nothing to do with any clock, calendar or moon phase.
If I went to Candy Highschool I would want to be the red starburst.
I'm not quite sure who Daisy is, but she's one klutzy bitch.
How is it that I can blow through $90k in 5 mos. and then live off the last $134.00 for 3 weeks?
Ya know, I truly do not give myself enough credit. Whenever I'm in the early stages of courtship with a new piece of ass, I really am a sweet guy.
There's nothing like a work night bender to get your sleep back on schedule after it's been fucked up by an afternoon nap.
Typically when I'm texting or chatting online I communicate in scrawls of lingo and slang, strewn with constant mispellings that I type at break-neck speed, but if I'm texting/chatting with a girl I just met and like, I type like a hunt-n-peck grandmother with the grammar and spelling of Webster himself.
When I go to bed drunk I have so many great intentions for the next day...
Oh, we're celebrating Mardi Gras? I thought we were just getting drunk.
There's nothing like a good afternoon nap to fuck up your sleep schedule for the rest of the week.
I have serious trust issues with people that don't know who Bojangles was...
I like to drink vodka at strip clubs because of its antiseptic properties.
It's the coolest thing, my kitchen must be magic! Almost every night I go into the kitchen and make up some sorta dinner and eat, then all I have to do is put the dishes around the sink and go to bed. Whenever I wake up the whole place is clean and the dishwasher has been ran and sometimes the dishdrain has already been emptied. I love this house! Too bad my roomates are dicks and said they don't want to renew a lease with me..
The last DVD I watched is still in my DVD player. Always.
Every girl has one boob they like more than the other.
Yeah Clorox 2, if some goofy-loner guy pulls up to a childrens recreational park in a van and starts telling the kids to take off their shirts so he can "wash them" I'm calling the cops...
She's losing 10 lbs. with every beer I drink...beat that Jenny Craig.
I always wear a condom...for the first couple minutes, then I'm like fuck it.
I am always eager to find a situation where I can legitimately use a grape fruit spoon.
I don't approve of porn. I think it's awful and demoralizing. I only watch it to see if I can find any of my exes that have finally hit rock bottom...
The other day in a business situation a very attractive woman handed me a proposed contract and said "I'd really appreciate your input." to which I shot right back with "Oh, I'd guarantee that..." Yeah, she's either deaf in that ear or has one hell of a poker face.
BATTING CLEAN UP - Showing up to a bar or party exceptionally late, or at last call, with intent to use a sober advantage to prey on the very drunk, weaker members of the opposite sex.
I find it ironic that the first thing I want to do after being hassled by cops is break the law... Yeah, that'll show 'em. Right?
When it comes to wool clothing, there is a fine line between warm and toasty and itching like hell.
Putting ceramic alligators in your backyard might be ironic and funny to you damn yankees, but I am from Florida; that's not funny. Now, ya'll go ahead and laugh it up, I'll be inside changing my pants.
One of Nature's great anomalies: You can go for months in a dry spell. Things become progressively worse, practically to a point where you're even being shot down by prostitutes... and then suddenly, you're piled up in hook-up opportunities... It's almost as if it has to do with the moon phase or something.
People who drink and drive recklessly ruin it for those of us who drink and drive safely...
As much as you hate to admit it, you're out of shape when sweating, cramps and being out of breath are all elements of a masturbation session.
There is just something about cutting a sandwich from corner to corner that makes it outrageously delicious.
Never underestimate the amount of fun there is to be had with a four month old and an iTunes visualizer.
I would never purposefully listen to "Safety Dance," but if that song starts playing there is no turning that shit off!
Man Code law #70 should be "Chase women, not shots."
The one thing worse than "the friend who always bails" getting pissed because you didn't invite them out, is when that same friend invites you out and isn't taking no for an answer.
Lately, there has been a lot of "phishing" on Myspace. I have a considerably large fear that one of these days the chic in the boy shorts and wife beater, sporting sweet cannons is really the sexy, lonely, nerdy chick she claims to be and wants to be my friend and I've foolishly denied her with the rest of the Spam...
"Whatnot"..."What have you"...How about what the hell? Those don't make any sense...ever.
A pervert is a pervert because he said what everyone else was thinking.
No good can come from an IQ test. Either you prove you're a moron or that you've spent your whole life under achieving.
It has occurred to me that Santa is incompetent and should be replaced. According to just about every Christmas movie Mr. Clause finds himself overwhelmed, or in a jam of some sort and requires the help of a 7-13 yr old child. Often these adventures are dangerous and without parental notification or consent. He is a reckless, scatter brained, derelict only required to work 1 day a year and can’t keep his shit straight. One year he’s not going to get his ass bailed out by some freezing ass, Christmas crazed 4 yr old, leaving us all to suffer.
I am constantly scanning for people I may know whenever I'm in a random airport.
Is it possible to tastefully explain to the whole family over "after church lunch" that you're just hooking up and have no realistic plans of dating without coming right out and sounding like a whoremonger?
Edward Cullen is not real. You will never be "Mrs. Edward Cullen." Deal with it. However, I am real, so...
Is there anything more fucking awkward/funny than drunken drama at a costume party?
Facebook should allow the "it's complicated" status to be set with more than one person... i.e. "It's Complicated between Joe and Mary and Jill." That would be rich!
Despite the fact that they both end in a full blown blood bath, for some reason Christmas parties seem so much more classy than regular parties.
I think that off-white color of the walls in every house I've ever rented should officially be called "Landlord Cream." It is impossible to match that shit when trying to doctor up a scrape down the wall, or say plugging a bullet hole in a door.
Whenever I see a chick's relationship status change on facebook or myspace my first thought is "Target:AQUIRED." Then my second thought is "Why the hell am I talking like a bomber pilot and who am I talking to?"
It's a given, if I miss my exit there will not be a turn around for at least 15 miles and there's a good chance that I'll discover there is no re-entry on at that exit only once I'm on the off ramp.
Pet sitting for someone is a game of high stakes. It takes the perfect formula to avoid disaster yet do as little work as possible. Too much food and you're cleaning up shit and perhaps replacing a rug or two, too little and you're replacing the family show dog... it's nerve wracking.
It has become increasingly obvious to me that my family is more comfortable waiting until the last second and trying to guilt me into do them a favor than just straight up asking me a week in advance to work it into my schedule.
I think parents should speak more sweetly to their kids...however, that's not my kid and he better get off the fucking table before I beat his ass.
Younger siblings are so much worse at getting away with the shit I used to get away with...
How is it that my phone will wake me up on vibrate from two rooms away when it's a drunken booty call, but an assortment of alarms with bells and whistles and gongs won't even cause me to stir when I need to get up for something important?
Sometimes life is very confusing, but even in the darkest hours of life I know I can find comfort in the undeniable fact that 'Shawshank Redemption' is one of the greatest movies, ever.
Some accents just don't make sense... i.e. Cajun's.
Condoms are like ultra light cigarettes: none of the pleasure, all the pain.
If that's Milwaukee's best than I will not be visiting Milwaukee anytime soon.
The only thing that sucks worse than your girlfriend telling you she is pregnant is when she tells you it's not yours.
Having a fake Christmas tree is totally half assing it.
Packing your bags to go home after a vacation is like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube.
"I could care less" and "I couldn't care less" are two totally different things. Stop using them interchangeably. It turns your "too cool for school" attitude into a "I didn't go to school" attitude, you ignorant ape.
Whenever a song gets stuck in my head I find myself thinking in tune and tempo with the song, rhyming my thoughts.
How tired I suddenly become is directly proportional to how much work I just found I have to do.
I don't care who you are. You have no idea how much sleep I will need to accomplish whatever it is I might plan to accomplish tomorrow. Yes, I know it's late, I'll go to bed when I'm tired.
Whenever a song's intro doesn't sound anything like the actual song and I sit there for 30 or so seconds racking my brain and it ends up being a classic, for some reason I get frustrated and pissed. It totally ruins the song for me.
Whenever someone is driving poorly infront of me I instictively look at their license plate and assume that everyone from that state is a bad driver.
I don't send out the mass "Happy Thanksgiving!" text... but because many people do, I use this to text under the guise of mass text to hot chicks I haven't talked to in awhile and I'm sure they've deleted or lost my number. Just a little reminder...
It seems to never fail: Whenever I get comfortably situated on the couch with my computer, my coffee is just out of reach.
I used to never watch TV, eat meals or even sit on the couch at my new house... I got a coffee table about a month ago and I seriously eat and sleep while watching TV more than anything else in my life. This coffee table has changed my life.
My truck's turning radius goes from decent to nil the second I roll into a parking garage.
It seems to me when someone says “correct me if I’m wrong…” they really mean “please prompt me to tell you why I am so smart.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that architects in general are either very cruel or very arrogant. Otherwise, there is no other explanation for putting a windowless bathroom mere feet from common areas in a most apartment.
Once I've learned how to turn off my alarm clock in my sleep it's just a clock...and I'm always late.
I think buying her anything with a diamond automatically constitutes at least one attempt at anal.
It totally creeps me out to think about some girl stalking me the way I stalk other girls on facebook and myspace.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why I sit for 12 hours at work and struggle to keep my eyes open, and sure enough… as soon as I get off I’m wired.
Please take note: Answering "Same shit, different day." to the questions "What's up?" or "How are you?" does not make you trendy, hip or cool.
The only thing worse than being too tired to go out when all your friends are out is being absolutely wired when all your friends are too tired to go out.
Getting drunk on a work night is like a blind date. You know it's not a great idea...but you just can't help but wonder where this shit might lead!
I think in a perfectly honest world Stop signs wouldn't say STOP and they wouldn't be a sign. They would be a traffic light that stayed yellow until a police car enter the area, in which case it would switch back to red...
A hypocrite is typically a hypocrite because what they're saying is right.
I feel slightly unpatriotic and unethical looking to buy a house in these hard times. It's literally like: "Wow, super nice house! You two have really kept this thing up well...Oh you've lived here since you were married in '68? Aww...that's cute, and now the bank is foreclosing on you? Only 85 grand? Sweet... have fun in the shelter!"
People are always telling me "You should go back and finish your 4 year degree... once you get it, that's something they can never take away from you." Yeah, well to be honest: I cannot conjure up one solitary hypothetical situation where 'they' would march into my house and rip a liberal arts degree off the wall.. Oh no, better not file a police report. If Starbucks finds out they'll surely fire me for suddenly becoming under qualified!
If Gatorade knew how life saving their beverage could be the morning after it would probably cost $39.99 a bottle.
Whoever said that talk is cheap obviously never went to a therapist.
Nothing is more irritating than a roommate who obsessively locks the door. I understand securing the lock and dead bolt before bed, but dammit woman! I shouldn't have to knock to regain entry after smoking a cigarette!
Is it just me or does it seem like everyone in the corporate world checks their sense of humor at the door...especially HR.
If by chivalry you mean opening her door to be polite and not so you can check out her ass...then oh yeah, that shit is dead.
Whenever a co-worker is absent from work, regardless of the reason, if I have to do any of their work, or catch any heat for something they were responsible for I always get this rediculus image of them sitting in a fold out lawn chair on some corona-commercial beach, under a large umbrella sipping a frozen-mixed drink with a big straw hat and the smuggest, little smile... eww that smile PISSES ME OFF!
If I had known how much work goes into cultivating a plethora of pirated music on ITunes I would have stuck with CD's...
If you say "I liked the book, but I didn't like the ending." I'm assuming you didn't read it.
Whenever I say “that’s not my problem” I get this sudden gut feeling that this person has every intention of making it my problem.
I think Ruminations.com should have that IMDB *Spoiler Alert* warning for college kids.
I always thought homework wouldn't be such a drag if it had something do with my life instead of made up irrelevent questions from the back of a text book. Now that I'm in the corporate world, I still have homework, only we call it paperwork...and no actually, the real world application indeed does NOT make it any easier. Fuck Us.
Why the hell do I feel like I'm 8 years old again when I get in trouble at work?
Lately Facebook has been like an ex that you still like, so you try to keep up that psuedo-non-chalant friends thing. You know it's not going to work. You know things are never going to be like they were before. All the signs are there, but when it actually happens it just kills. You are hurt and completely confused. So, you think fine.. I'll just make her jealous by making her think I traded up. Yeah, that's right MySpace,you're the annoying ditz with tits.
Wait, wait..So you're not from the 1950's? Oh my, how delightfully ironic, Daddy-O! I mean look at you, your clothes look so 'vintage' and that hat, well that hat is fantastic! A skimmer? Oh, is that what they're called. My grandfather calls it his "golfing hat." So, you're in a bowling league? NO?! NO WAY! I never would have guessed, well with that shirt and all..my gosh aren't you just oozing irony! What with those Doc Martens and all. Well aren't you a swingin' cat! No, no..I say good show sir, what class...you fucking asshole!
There was this one time in school that I studied hard in the weeks leading up to a test and come test day it was a breeze, I aced it...I knew all the answers, funny thing was I felt like I cheated. The guilt was overwhelming.
How is it legal for me to drive without my first three cups of coffee, but illegal to drive after my first 3 beers?
Facebook is like the Ghost of Christmas Past,Ghost Christmas Present and Ghost of Christmas Future all rolled into 1: Late at night you're dragged through cyberspace, jumping from "I can't believe I hooked up with her..Ah, I should have hooked up with HER when I had the chance" to "Yeah, Ive been hittin that for 3 wks now, NICE..Wait! whos that dude flirting on her wall? Tagged in HIS album? When the fuck were they hangin out?" and finally "When did she get hot? I'm so gonna try to hook up with her. Here I'll write something flirty on her wall"
What's the deal with all these password strength meters on all these different websites? It's impossible to get out of the "Weak" zone without using the Polish word for pickle coupled with four Runic symbols, two random digits and an emoticon! Since when is the family pet's name not acceptable? Furthermore, who the hell is going to hack my Hulu account?
Don't you hate it when you talk up how funny a T.V. show is and encourage your friends to watch it and without fail the next episode is the lamest episode yet and then you find yourself sticking up for the show, or trying to explain why "that joke was actually funny because in an earlier episode.." and then you're like "Uh, well that wasn't really that funny, but man I tell ya up until this point this season.." and you can just see it in their eyes, and they can hear it in your voice... What is that bullshit? I hate that..EVERYTIME, I swear!
Something makes me feel guilty about the fact that why I've sat here for 2 hours reading Ruminations and planning a night of bacchanalia there is a group of women running their guts out in an Olympic marathon...
CaptSi is a fan of...
Fans of CaptSi
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nmoo07 -
leepow -
CharaNoelle -
allisonhassell
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bk41tsb
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jodles -
Wavesonpavement
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oscarisamazing -
Chubz84 -
theian -
KGmoney -
mapgirl -
jiggityjustin -
fsuj25 -
StephBone -
Kegspiller
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CyGuy10 -
brittanyb53 -
jdebold21 -
lovessoccer
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Redsrova
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EverythingSucks -
melissa1441 -
wmydmyb1985
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Dani2897
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butta99 -
YaKnowIt -
memhoe -
feedtheanimals -
HellFeinix13
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ashabs -
RyanLink -
poopthoughts -
spongebrittradpants -
steffdotcom -
uuuhhh
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dustinyo -
ajoyce08 -
SlightlyFlustered -
BlondeBomb -
chipdavis -
patientrevolutionary
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moodieblues -
BethIsPoor
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LOLWTFITSME1212 -
zoeisyourlove -
bethgoldstein -
Roxanne
