-The exact origin of Thanksgiving is the subject of debate among historians and scholars (at least according to its Wikipedia entry, which was probably written by a fifteen year-old kid in his basement).  Before we eat Thanksgiving dinner in my family, we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for.  It’s a nice though somewhat kitschy tradition.  But while I’m fortunate enough to have had a prosperous year, when holiday season arrives it’s still difficult to feel grateful with so much annoying shit going on around me.  That’s why this Thanksgiving, I’ll instead be discussing what I’m unthankful for.

-Please do not tell me there’s a book I have to read about “how to get rich.”  I’ll agree with you on one point – the author is indeed a genius.  But only because he became wealthy by suckering so many people into buying his book.

-I hate when people agree to do me a favor, which enables me to make arrangements assuming the favor is being executed, and then the person leaves me hanging, which in turn forces me to beg them to follow through – which wouldn’t be necessary had they simply refused my favor request to begin with.

-There’s a lawyer in New York who recently sued to stop nightclubs from running “Ladies Night” promotions because they are allegedly discriminatory against men.  First of all, I don’t think I’ve been to a bar that had Ladies Night since I was about nineteen.  I believe the establishment also had plastic pennants with beer logos strung across the ceiling.  Second of all, aren’t clubs that don’t do everything they can to attract chicks actually the ones that are discriminating against men?

-ESPN analysts should not be allowed to make predictions.  It’s fine if you want to break down the games after they happen, but please do not tell me who you think is going to win – or even go so far as to guess the score – based on your “expert” opinion.  You’re just a jackass who is less accurate than a monkey with a dartboard.

-Why don’t employees at Chipotle understand that the ingredients in a burrito need to be mixed before the thing is wrapped?  Otherwise, the result is just a bunch of layers.  I should never have to go two bites without getting more than one ingredient in my mouth at a time.